Emigration

[pamnez]

My eldest son who is 37 has just dropped a bombshell on me and hubby.. He has been offered a very good job in Sydney, Australia and he and his wife came down last night to tell us that he was going to accept the offer and that he could be gone by June. Well, hubby and I have not stopped crying since then. We are in a state of shock. We know it will be a brilliant opportunity for them and their boys but can anyone tell us how we can come to terms with it. This has got to be the worse day of our lives. HELP.

[LindaBon]

My parents were going to emigrate to Australia when I was a small child and my grandparets made such a fuss they decided not to go ahead. Then when I was 10 they decided to apply again and my father failed the medical so we never made it that time.

My brother was offered a job there 22 years ago and moved over with his wife and two daughters then aged about 2 and 7. My Mum and dad were mindful of how they had felt and so did not try to put him off. He has lived there since and my parents have enjoyed many holidays there, stopping off at exotic locations on the way and the way back.They are off again in March - each time they think it could be their last trip as they are now both mid 70s.

Then in 1999, I moved with my husband and two youngest sons to the usa for 3 years.

I missed my older boys and my parents but they never said anything though I'm sure it was hard for them. My Mum couldn't bring herself to come and see us off.

The world is much more accessible now with some good deals on flights, so start saving hard and give yourselves a trip of a lifetime to look forward to.

[pamnez]

Thankyou LindaBon. My husband is really cut up about it. I have been with him 42 years and I have only seen him cry once but tonight, he was inconsolable. I have this hurt in my gut and I think it will never go away. I know it will, and I know that we have to support him. As we only found out last night, I think that at the moment, we are in a state of shock.

[Altosruleok]

You just HAVE to come to terms with it. We only borrow our children; we have to make enjoyable lives for ourselves so that when if the time comes for our children to leave us, we do not make them feel uncomfortable about it. If they feel that our lives are centred around them, they are left in a very difficult postition and may feel that they can't live their lives properlly for fear of waht it might do to us. Just because our children go away, it doesn;t mean we can't maintain contact with them. And there will be all the more to talk about when we do.

[lady_p_gold]

Thing is it really is so much easier to go now ... about five people in my office have been to Australia and New Zealand on holiday this year ... plus the fact that on broadband you can chat on the cam and MSN or Yahoo for hours and see them live and it really makes it seem as if they are in the room, we even play Trivial Pursuits with someone on the cam in America as one of the players. So do not despair, it is not like it used to be when people went there and seemed to disappear forever.

[jno]

children always leave home. My mum ended up with two children living a couple of miles away, and the other two thousand of miles away, linked only by the occasional phone call. But as others have already pointed out, the planet is very much smaller these days. Cams and emails and MSNs mean you could be in the next room. 20-hour flights are never going to be cheap or simple, but they're doable; thousands go down under on trips every year. Your son's going to have a great life, and it's his duty to do his best for his family as you did for yours. Be happy for him; but certainly don't feel you've lost him forever.

[Hermia]

What a brilliant opportunity for him, but what a shock for you! I have several friends who have moved to Austria/New Zealand in the last 5 years and it's such a brilliant opportunity. I have a friend who is 30 and she has just bought a beautiful house with land in New Zealand. When she lived here all she could afford was a grotty bedsit.

Get yourself a good quality webcam. Some of my family live in Australia. My aunt bought herself a computer, webcam and broadband connection. Her daughter has the same system at the other end. Every Sunday morning she talks to her family via the webcam. All the grandchildren come on and tell her what they've been up to and show her their new toys etc.

[Trotbot]

I emigrated to Asia at 27 and my sister bought tickets to see me before I bought a ticket to live out here. My parents were shocked at first, but got used to the idea and have been over four times in 8 years, most recently for 4 months now they have retired.

Sydney is a fantastic city and I suggest you start planning a holiday. You never know, maybe you will want to stay.

In the meantime, digital cameras and internet calls make it easy to keep in touch, and time difference is not that bad as you can talk at either end of the day.

[pamnez]

Thankyou all very much. You haven't made the ache go away but your feedback was really positive. My hubby is still very upset. He said some things to my daughter-in-law which were unforgivable and he has really made things worse. He is blaming her for them going when it WAS my son's decision so they are not talking to him now. I will just have to sort it out.

[jno]

oh dear, bad blood between husband and daughter-in-law? Are there perhaps other issues at work here besides going to Australia? They should be sorted out before the move; otherwise at a distance of 10,000 miles they could fester and make keeping up contact more difficult, and that would be the worse for you both. Do try to part on good terms.

[Trotbot]

I received a very bad reaction from my grandparents. Fortunately the rest of the family could point out that they were being unreasonable and it could only get worse, and we parted on good terms and I returned regularly to see them. Let things calm down first and then try and make him understand that he risks losing everything unless he apologies.

[WendyS]

Smooth over the bad feelings of upset now before your son and his wife leave. I'm sure many things are spoken in haste when one is in a state of shock. Your your son needs to maintain a sense of loyalty to his wife - she is the one who will be accompanying him on this adventure and he will need her practical support to make the new opportunity work for their whole family. And go to SKYPE.com now and download the free internet software onto your computer so that you and your son can enjoy regular free phone calls once he's here (provided that he downloads it onto his computer too). I know it must feel like the end of the world, but you did say "your eldest son" was emigrating. If you have other children, don't let them feel rejected and unimportant and that your eldest son who is the only one who matters to you. They will undoubtedly miss him too but you will still have some family still here with you.

[pamnez]

Many many thanks. I am feeling much better now. I have been to see my son today and I am happy to see him and his lovely wife go into their new adventure with all my love and support. I know that it is going to hurt for a while but I know it will fade with time.