Family Problem

[Kateryna46]

I have a daughter. She is 10 y.o. now. She hates my husband. When she was 5y.o. he did beat her for been capricious. Her buttocks were blue for 1 week. When I realized this I told my husband "Never do this again".
And he never did. But he did never become a real father for her. He speaks to her only when he needs to make a reprimand. My daughter is blaming me now for not going to police or divorcing him 5 years ago.
My mother told me that my daughter is suffering very much that she has no a real father who would really love her. My mother is afraid that she can run from home or attempt suicide. I do not think so. We live in a good house. I love her and she knows it. She is playing piano and viola very good. She is an advanced student. We have a big yard and two lovely dogs. She has good meal and good clothes.A lot of children have no
father. A lot of children have no even food. I cannot understand why she is so unhappy. Maybe she is spoiled ? Before I married my husband she was a center of the Universe. After I married my husband I paid too much attention to him. It is appeared that he had a cancer but did not tell me before marriage. It looks like he is good now, he is only suffering from side affects of chemotherapy. My daughter asking me to go away from my husband, to return to live to my parents. But I have no job. I shall not be able to give her a good education if leave my husband.

[bednobs]

so?

[Mamyalynne]

Family counselling may help you all.

[ummmm]

Do you love your husband?

Whose happiness is the most important?

[FredPuli43]

How is the girl spoiled? Better no father than one who treats her like that. Are we to understand that he is a step-father or is he the natural father but you married him after she was born?

At the very least you and he need counselling. But leaving things as they are you are inflicting cruelty on your child and doing no end of harm to her future life.

[daffy654]

Any man who hits a 5 year old so hard that she is bruised for a week should be prosecuted and kept well away from children in the future. You definitely should have phoned the police and left him. It is too late for that now though. You could try making it up to your daughter by leaving him now, getting a job and supporting you both.

[cazzz1975]

I feel for your daughter, I would hate to live in a house with a man who would not try and be nurturing, supportive or even friendly, I would imagine she feels stressed and threatened.

a good education means nothing if her head is messed up..

[wolf63]

Your husband seems to anger issues. It is unlikely that the incident would have been a one-off if the injuries were that bad. How do you know that he is not psychologically bullying your daughter.

She can have every material possession in the world but an adult that is capable to beating a five year old is not going to change overnight. She obviously dislikes and is afraid of your husband - that is no way for a child to live.

[RATTER15]

Like Daffy said ^^^^ the man should have been locked up and you should have left him for the safety of your daughter. It is no surprise that she wants you to leave him, I dont think providing her with an education is any where near the importance of your daughters happiness!!

You really owe your daughter, you will never repay her by giving her an education, WAKE UP!!!!!!! he beat your daughter black and blue!!!!!!!

[ummmm]

I would NEVER stay with a man who treated my child with such disdain. The bruised bum is nothing compared to the psychological damage he is doing. Been there and done that!! I walked out aged 13...

You would never know that my partner is not the biological father to my children.

Your daughter will resent you for her unhappiness.

[Smowball]

Go to a hostel.

[yogi-bear]

Sounds like, as Mamy mentions, you ALL need therapy....he used to hit her raw and make her blue for a week when she was only 5!...thats NOT a father!

and you say " I cannot understand why she is so unhappy."

You try to make it better, for you, by saying she has clothes and a lot of children have no food!

What's that about?.....LOVE is what she needed and ALL children crave for....not beatings and instability.

Hope you get it sorted, as you should, if only for your daughters sake.....PLEASE.

[society]

In my opinion child / children comes first.

[Canary42]

If the only reason you are staying with your husband is economic (i.e. to give your daughter a good education) then you're letting her down fulltime.

If you still really love him, then seek counselling ASAP because you have an almost unsolvable dilemma. And by "you" I include your husband whose attitude to your daughter is totally unacceptable. If he can't change then she is definitely far far better without him.

[pusskin]

You dont seem to understand just how much your child has been hurt.
Money, and treats cant make up for that!
Must not give your man no more chances to do it again.

[ummmm]

And my OH said my first answer was harsh...

It isn't....

[AlwaysConfused]

Your English seems a little broken. Where do you come from Kateryna? Is your husband the same nationality? Knowing a little background may help us understand your situation a little more.

[arwyn]

Deffo not English.

[Kassee]

You say your daughter is asking you to go away from your husband, to return to live with your parents. I would think there is on-going problems here with your daughter and your husband - are you aware of what is going on at all. Is it possible that your daughter could live with your parents - ask her if she would want to. Maybe she would feel happier there. She is asking for things to change - you must listen to her. Talk to her and find out why she wants to leave your husband.

[loulou111]

This poor child is going through hell . Are there any other children in the family if so how does your husband treat them?. Have you thought about arranging some child counselling, through your family Doctor for your daughter?.

[Kateryna46]

No. there are no other children. My daughter was complaining about this case to her school counselor, but they did not react in any way. My husband is American. I am Russian. My parents live in Ukraine. My daughter's native language is English. She does not know Ukrainian at all. I think for her future it is better to stay in US. Thank you for your response. I put this question long ago.