Post Abortion Depression - My Relationship Is Failing

[MsDid]

Why am I so horrible? I got with my boyfriend last July and were very suited. I adore him completely. I got pregnant 2 moth after we got together and due to other stresses with work I had to have an abortion. It was definitely the right decision at the time. This was 5 months ago... And I've increasingly become worse and worse. I'm horrible to be around at times. I love him completely but I've become extremely jealous, intolerant, emotional (I cry all the time). I have a vicious mouth and day horrible nasty things to him that I regret after. I also have severe anger problems since and even hit him tonight. He just winds me up so much sometimes. He thinks I'm a psycho at times and I try to manipulate him. Hes also even more jelous (and he was very jealous anyway) because im so paranoid. This is totally out of character. It isn't me at all. Tonight we finished and I self harmed. What is the matter with me? All of my work issues are sorted now but I still feel just as bad as I used to. Feeling like I want to just end it all. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to upset my mum and dad. Helpless

[boxtops]

Go to your doctor. You need some help and input from others. Make an apointment to see the GP on Monday.

[craft1948]

Christ I was feeling quite happy until I rad this............

[craft1948]

^ read

[MsDid]

No need

[cupid04]

If you are genuine phone the Samaritans immediately. They will put you in touch with the right authority.

[boxtops]

No need what, to go to the doc? I think there is. You are still grieving, your mood is all over the place. You admit you're self harming. You need some help - the GP is the best place to start.

[MsDid]

Sorry boxtops. I didn't meant the comment underneath. Thankyou for your input. GPs just seem so clueless

[boxtops]

misunderstood...

It depends on your GP - you can ask for a referral to someone who can help you - counselling would seem to be a good option, did your abortion clinic not offer you any post- advice?

[MsDid]

I've been to counselling a couple of times since. I'm not a good talker everybody just sees me as extremely happy. Just wanted some anonymous advice. I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel like this. I will take your advise and go to the GP on Monday, can't lose anything. Thank you.

[lcg]

you need to go and see your gp asap and request a referral to your local mental health team. you sound depressed and your self harming is a problematic behaviour that needs addressing urgently. you need assessment by professionals and antidepressant medication too (I am a psychiatric nurse, so i know what i'm talking about!). your bf probably realises why you have changed and has got fed up with how you treat him - but all is not necessarily lost. if you get help and start to address your issues, he may be willing to have another go at your relationship. however, i think it would be unreasonable of you to expect him back and do nothing yourself - if you want him back, hate how things are at the moment BUT do something about it....you could change your life. but, again.....you need to get off your bum, see your gp and do something active about how you are feeling and the things you are doing. the mental health team can also offer you counselling, anger management and/or cbt therapy which will help you deal with your demons. you have the right to be happy again, and by doing positive things about your situation, you will once again take control of all the stuff happening to you at present. good luck x

[boxtops]

well done MsDid - come back on Monday and tell us how it went x

[DJHawkes]

Do you think your behavior stems from having an abortion, from stress at work or from living with someone you really should maybe not be with?

[lcg]

and i forgot to add.....you are not horrible - you feel horrible and that is an entirely separate thing, something you can actively try and change. the mind is just like any other part of the body. if you look after it, get medication and retrain your brain to think in more positive ways, you will feel better. have hope....your gp must refer you to the local mental health team - moderate to severe depression and self harming is way out of his/her remit. you need to see the professionals who can assess you, look at your risks and symptoms and deal with them accordingly. don't feel intimidated by your gp - you have evry right to go and ask for a referral. if you have any problems, i will subscribe to this thread and offer you advice and support as far as i can. again - good luck x

[tamborine]

Youre feeling guilty and hitting out at him & self. You need expert counselling for your trauma. Get it thru your GP. Anyone in your state would feel the same.

Seek help to move on as you cant go back. 2moro is a new day for you too x

[callaspade]

Maybe your boyfriend is scared and unready for commitment which is what you need and gave. Subconciously you know this so your anger has a right to be. You feel duped and led on. The boy has responsibility too, so don't go blaming yourself full on. Be a bit angry but remember you are both young and life is full of experiences however traumaic, always character building. xxx