And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid ...

[Englishbird]

I've been 'seeing' a guy for nearly a year now, but very casually. We are friends first and foremost and we get on really well. It was a good arrangement. Alas, my feelings have started to change towards him and I have a horrible feeling that I like him a lot more than i thought I did. He has also been seeing someone else, although she is not his girlfriend as such. I know about her, she doesn't know about me. He has said previously that he doesn't want a serious relationship with anyone. He had a bad break up with his wife about 3 years ago.

What I think i'm going to do is see how it goes over the next few months, and check whether my feelings are real or not, and then maybe (if I can find the courage) admit them to him and see how he feels about it. I have to be prepared to give him up first tho.

Any other advice, especially on how to go about this from men, would be appreciated.

[rampart]

Englishbird,

The first comment I would like to share is on the manner that you inform your friend about your feelings. I do not suggest making a huge fanfare in the admission. I think it would not be best to, for example, telephone him and say we have to talk, meet him at a restaurant, take his hands in yours, and delcare your love for him. That could give him a mild heart attack. It might seem a bit strange for me (a man) to tell you this, but I honestly think something more subtle would be better. You must always be absolutely straightforward and truthful, but the key to revealing your feelings is being subtle.

For example, at the end of a date with him, you might say something like I had such a wonderful time with you! I always enjoy your company! Words to that effect from time to time will make clear where you stand with him.

Be natural, honest, and yourself. He will see clearly who you are and likely will reduce his dates with the other girl, and ultilmately let her know that he is interested in somebody else.

Best of luck to you.

[Amara]

Hello Englishbird - You obviously have lots in common with this man or you wouldn't be such good friends. What a wonderful basis for a relationship! You are wise to wait a while and be sure of your feelings before you tell him. It is always difficult when a marriage breaks up and it can leave a sour taste sometimes, but generally people can move on and realise that life is great and new relationships can be great too. I think just be there for him and support him through this time and he will probably realise how important to him you are. Don't neglect your own feelings and needs though you sound like a wonderful person. Love and light Amara x