ChatterBank0 min ago
Boyfriend Blackmailing My Daughter
My daughter(she is 39) has been going out with this chap for a couple of years...it is a a terrible relationship...don`t know where to begin.will not go into details...will take forever!!!
He is a lovely person...when sober...but he drinks(I have never seen him when he is drunk) and she drinks as well.He has a good job and has plenty of money,so is providing the drink.The result ...they fight and she hits him back...he has pics on his phone of himself with what she has done.He also has kept the texts she has sent him which proves she is the one who has hit him.these are all from ages ago.
She doesn`t want to be with him but he won`t let her go,he says he will go to the police with the "evidence",if she tries to get an injunction on him(his last girlfriend did,he has two children with her...she has since married)..
I am at my wits end...have thought about going to a lawyer for advice(please dont suggest the CAB...they are hopeless...at least my local one is...went to them over something else and they got it all wrong...so they are a no-no).
Blackmail is a crime..full stop!!!Would like to hear your imput on this...ad any suggestions will be most welcome.
Surely...there is something that can be done
He is a lovely person...when sober...but he drinks(I have never seen him when he is drunk) and she drinks as well.He has a good job and has plenty of money,so is providing the drink.The result ...they fight and she hits him back...he has pics on his phone of himself with what she has done.He also has kept the texts she has sent him which proves she is the one who has hit him.these are all from ages ago.
She doesn`t want to be with him but he won`t let her go,he says he will go to the police with the "evidence",if she tries to get an injunction on him(his last girlfriend did,he has two children with her...she has since married)..
I am at my wits end...have thought about going to a lawyer for advice(please dont suggest the CAB...they are hopeless...at least my local one is...went to them over something else and they got it all wrong...so they are a no-no).
Blackmail is a crime..full stop!!!Would like to hear your imput on this...ad any suggestions will be most welcome.
Surely...there is something that can be done
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You are correct kloofnek and Orderlimit, Blackmail is an offence under S21 of The theft Act 1968.
In my experience the problem is going to be to convince a daughter of 39 that together they are a disaster and she needs to keep away from him, personal relationships are the most difficult to resolve and your attempted help may not be seen as such.
For the same reasons a civil law remedy awarding damages may not help and may make the position even more difficult.
In my experience the problem is going to be to convince a daughter of 39 that together they are a disaster and she needs to keep away from him, personal relationships are the most difficult to resolve and your attempted help may not be seen as such.
For the same reasons a civil law remedy awarding damages may not help and may make the position even more difficult.
-- answer removed --
Hi Kloofnex,
In my view- she needs to address her drink problem (if she acknowledges it)
Her GP can help - I do think as mentioned elsewhere she is best visiting a Domestic Violence support service in local city or town though and they will deal with this too - she would be doing herself a favour by helping herself here (they are used to threatening behaviour and texts like the ones you mention and will deal with this and advise her so dont worry) They will help prevent problems and liaise with police if advice needed but it sounds more a reflection of his insecurity than anything. He's scared he'll lose her but he isn't being too clever and he wont even realise! DV units are usually very nice and its confidential & free to my knowledge.
Next she needs to see what options she has if she really wants to leave. Housing options can advise and homelessness law practices often give 30mins or hr free sessions. People who drink can be lovely people so it would be good if both could get help in due course and they cant do it on their own and probably taking it out on eachother - it doesn't mean that this relationship is over and your daughter can only make the right decision if she has all her options out on the table (if you agree) then it will be clear which one is the best one. She will be more in control if not making decisions in drink. If she takes one thing at a time so she isn't overwhelmed - no pressure Small actions that she really wants will work - at the moment she is hurting herself she needs to stop that!.
As for you - you dont want to be worrying about something that may never happen - OK. If she can address the right problem I think you would relax but if she decised to do nothing all you can do is wait and have patience. The most important thing here is - why is she drinking? But its scary stuff and she may find it hard to confront things. She has nothing to lose but it still is not for the fainthearted. It will take more than 72hrs before your daughter will register with any suggestions and it is always totally her call but I'm sure she knows you care and I reckon she is lucky and hope she deals with this for herself. Her partner sounds abit dramatic but he might just be looking for attention- the DV centre will completely have her best interests at heart but with even with very little support it could make a huge difference to both of them. x
In my view- she needs to address her drink problem (if she acknowledges it)
Her GP can help - I do think as mentioned elsewhere she is best visiting a Domestic Violence support service in local city or town though and they will deal with this too - she would be doing herself a favour by helping herself here (they are used to threatening behaviour and texts like the ones you mention and will deal with this and advise her so dont worry) They will help prevent problems and liaise with police if advice needed but it sounds more a reflection of his insecurity than anything. He's scared he'll lose her but he isn't being too clever and he wont even realise! DV units are usually very nice and its confidential & free to my knowledge.
Next she needs to see what options she has if she really wants to leave. Housing options can advise and homelessness law practices often give 30mins or hr free sessions. People who drink can be lovely people so it would be good if both could get help in due course and they cant do it on their own and probably taking it out on eachother - it doesn't mean that this relationship is over and your daughter can only make the right decision if she has all her options out on the table (if you agree) then it will be clear which one is the best one. She will be more in control if not making decisions in drink. If she takes one thing at a time so she isn't overwhelmed - no pressure Small actions that she really wants will work - at the moment she is hurting herself she needs to stop that!.
As for you - you dont want to be worrying about something that may never happen - OK. If she can address the right problem I think you would relax but if she decised to do nothing all you can do is wait and have patience. The most important thing here is - why is she drinking? But its scary stuff and she may find it hard to confront things. She has nothing to lose but it still is not for the fainthearted. It will take more than 72hrs before your daughter will register with any suggestions and it is always totally her call but I'm sure she knows you care and I reckon she is lucky and hope she deals with this for herself. Her partner sounds abit dramatic but he might just be looking for attention- the DV centre will completely have her best interests at heart but with even with very little support it could make a huge difference to both of them. x
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