Spanking...

[Momof2]

My children are 1 and 3 years old. Both girls. We do not play favorites or discipline one child different from the other. They both get in to their equal share of trouble and are faced with known consequences for their actions, the 3 year old obvisously knows better than the baby, but if wrong they recieve a punishment or spanking. I have recently started to babysit a freinds 3 year old son, he lacks discipline majorly. I have caught him pulling down my oldest pants asnd panties and spnaking her butt. What should I do and why has this happened. When we spank our children we often remove them from the room and spank them privatey in their bedrooms, this allows for us to also make sure she understands why she was spanked. Please help.

[BondGirl]

It's a hard one....I can see that kids learn behaviour from adults (and other kids), so surely as responsible adults, we can never drink, smoke, use knives for prepping food, use bleach etc etc infront of our kids.  My little guy is 18 months, and he *knows* what "No" means.  However, if he pushes the boundaries, then a smack on the hand won't do him any harm.  I was walloped as a kid, and now at 34, have a great relationship with my Mom, and have never been in any trouble with the police etc.  I learnt right from wrong, and also a respect for my elders that these days, I am afraid to say is seriously lacking.  All kids are different, some repsond to a "No", some to a tap on the hand - either way, it's a matter of choice.  Just as some adults respond to therapy, some to a spell "inside", we all have different personalities and each situation and person differs greatly.  All the best and good comments all around, was interesting reading!

[BondGirl]

One thing I didn't mention above, was to never ever smack a child out of anger or frustration!!

[milly143]

I don't have any kids so cant really comment, all I wanted to say is that me all the other children in my large family were smacked as children if we were naughty (only ever as a last resort) and it certainly didn't do us any harm. We have all grown up to be respectable adults who think our parents did a fab job raising us.

[Stephanie_03]

I Do Not think it's very good to Spank you Child/Children because it just teaches them to be violent and It also can make you feel bad later so you want to spoil them but then once you spoil them they get in trouble again so you  spank them and then spoil them and so on! SO Do NOT think it's right

[Trillipse]

well done gevs 1966

when i was younger and more eager to condemn people based on my perception of what was right, which was usually based on opinion leaders with an axe to grind, i was against smacking entirely.

 

the context is all important. my mum used to offer me the choice of doing more work on the farm for a while, or a smacking. my dad never got involved in punishment per se, but could cut you down with a look. i was more frightened of him. my mum is the only one who ever smacked me (i now have a superb relationship and mutual-understanding with her) and the only time i remember being really frightened and hurt as a child was when my mum was out one evening and my dad had to change my plastic pants. he did his best, but those grating farmers fingers are no substitute for someone who's spent their life washing clothes and pots.

 "do as thou will shall be the whole of the law".

 

very very very good luck.

[Adampy]

Sorry to say I agree with momof2, getting smacked as punishment is called for TO A POINT (Before everyone goes wild at me)

I am 24 and I thanked both my parents for the way they brought me up. When I did something drastically wrong I was made to go sit in my parents room for 30 minutes before one of them came to explain what I had done wrong, I would then get a smack on the bum. I look at the kids today (and yeah sure, I am still a young person, so why not ask the younger persons point of view for a change!) you cant explain to them, all you get is "F%&# OFF!!"... as louise jones says "...then what are you going to do to them when they are older and argue back, when they rebel against you, when they are big enough to hit you back, when they smoke cigarettes, when they take drugs, when they drink, when they get pregnant as a teen, when they steal cars for joyriding, when they bully other children a lot smaller than themselves????..."

Sure I argue, but I never rebelled, never took drugs and didn't drink till I was17 because I knew the consiquences if I did!! Hell, hit my dad, would never dream of it!!

Can nobody see that this is why the youth of today have no respect, why should they listen to their elders? Nothings going to happen to them if they dont!!

Do you not think they wouldn't rebel, wouldn't get pregnant at such a young age, wouldn't take drugs if they knew what woould happen if they did!! They would have to learn to respect their elders.

Momof2 - I am sure YOUR kids will grow up to love you and respect you.

[nrmatth]

around in a tantrum, or hitting someone, or pulling the cat's tail. because just like they learn what they can get away with at grandma's and not at home they also learn a swat on the butt means mom or dad wants them to stop right now. And you know they are smart, self-disciplined and have good self control, because of consistant,responsible discipline. and this consistancy and responsibility also gives them better self esteem and awareness. You need to decide your parenting methods by what you know and what you believe but beyond bruises and abuse (mentally or physically) every parent has the right to decide their responsible parenting methods without this horrible retaliation from other parents. Momof2, I believe the fact the boy it having his pants pulled down at this day and age to be spanked is wrong and you have a right to be concerned but I also believe a 3 year can determine when your house rules do not include this and he should be punished however you and his parents can agree on and if they won't work with you then you may have to stop having him over. Also make sure he learns to apologize to your daughter so she understands this is not acceptable either.

[nrmatth]

gevs1966! Thank Goodness someone stands up for this poor parent.. Obviously Momof2 is a concerned and loving parent and they are level-headed enough to know the cues of a possible bad-parenting practice. Most people either critisized her for being an awful parent without even looking at the big picture or making it clear that it was their opinion. I feel spanking has a time, place , and situation and is a punishment done when not in hast or when not angry. Seems taking a child to a different room would be a good amount of time to calm down and not spank too hard out of anger. She also said punishment OR spanking so this obviously isn't her immediate punishment. Plus my mother couldn't spank me because her hands were bad, but sshe got angry and threw canned goods, dishes and anything at reach at us, and you know what? I love her, and understand her problems, and believe that having an imbalanced parent actually helped shape me into an openminded, caring adult once I learn to forgive her in my heart when I was out of the house. Plus some of you have been happy to say swatting like the word spanking must mean she beating her children. Too me, a hit is a swat is a spanking as long as it stays on the bottom. How many of you have grabbed your childs arm when they run somewhere they can't? Cause I'll tell you what, that hurts more because of the thin layer of fat and is more likely to cause bruising or injury. But only a handful of people can say they have never done that. And my one year old has gotten a swat on the but when he's thowing himself

[nrmatth]

sorry those two got switched around

[clair_witch]

I would have a word with his parents Momof and hopefullythey'll work with you to stop this.

I am a mum of 2 girls, 4 and 14 and both of mine have had a smack if they've been out of order. Obviously the 14 year old is to old to be spanked now and we use other methods of punishment. (ie no television, grounding etc.) But when she was younger a smack on the hand or leg stopped her in her tracks before the behaviour got out of control. Now I have a polite, hard working teen and when I look at some of the other teens her age I thank God I did.

People need to realise there is a big difference between a smack and a beating. A smacked bottom is NOT abuse!

Good luck with the parenting Momof!

[Momof2]

I know that many of you believe that spanking your child is wrong. You have to understand that I am not using excessive force, punching or servely spanking their butts. My father and mother both spanked me as a  child, I have to say most of them i do not remember, but the one's I do, I was thankful for. My children  are well advanced for their ages, my children do understand why they are being spanked, and for the many of you that think that it cannot be so, sorry but you are wrong. I can wait a week and ask my children why they were disiplined the week before and my daughter's will tell me the exact reason why.  At a young age many want to blame a child's behavior on hyperactive disorders and what not, when in all actuallity, they often need disipline. I am sorry that most of you belive that I need to re-evaluate my techniques and try other measures, but when other measures do not work then what? Thank you all who have responded and did not yell at me for my actions. I do not abuse my children, but if their butts need a tapping that's what they will get.  I raise MY children to the best of my abilities and handle them the way I see fit. Unfortunately, everyone focused on the spanking more then the question at hand about the other child. The problem has escalated, he has tried to look at her other private areas with me right there beside him, but I guess I am to blame for that too, right. Wrong because they are in an enviroment where they are sheltered from seeing anything inappropriate at there age, they are restricted to watching educational t.v. reading and learning the neccessaties of pre-school, letters, numbers, colors, etc. The issue has been resolved. His behavior is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated. All his parents do is talk to him, take things away, prohibit him from going outside, etc,  and his behavior is still being noticed by me and his speach and motor teachers and other parents in the community.&

[Gevs1966]

Good for you Momof2!

 

Have you tried talking to this other child's parents about his behaviour? If you do speak to them, you will have to be careful about how you word what you say as you don't want them to think that you are judging them or criticising thier parenting methods. They may not have noticed his behaviour or they may not know what to do about themselves but feel embarrassed to ask someone for advice.

[maetscott]

I simply asked how much a well known star in the public eye earns per movie and I got abuse from you! You assault your children privately in their bedrooms. Respect your children and they will respect you back. Teach them how to behave with measured sanctions for poor behaviour and praise or reward them for good behaviour. Show by example how they should behave and that hitting is wrong - which it is! Also - in future, if you do not know the answer to a question, just dont get involved - forget it - move on. Don't try to antagonise the asker. You need to learn to respect others. Take care.