Why Lie?

[neathgirl]

Can anyone enlighten me as to why people who you were kind of seeing lie about what happened after it ends?

I have just found out that the girl I was kind of seeing has made up a whole heap of rubbish about me and what happened between us... why would somebody do that? Fair enough if i had done the things that she said but i have not - i would accept the way she is behaving if i had behaved in an inappropriate way, but i have done NOTHING wrong. I am a respectful person and respectful of people's boundaries and limits and would not make them feel uncomfortable. I think before I do or say when it comes to relationships and now she has me feeling badly about myself and questioning myself.

The things that she has accused me of doing are rather petty which makes me think even more, why on earth are you lying about them?!

Its got me thinking whether my judgement in terms of knowing who to trust and who not to trust is of any worth.

Can anyone really be trusted? - and why do people do this? it seems completely pointless to me. I thought we had ended things on good terms and now she seems intent on sticking the knife in to a certain degree..... why?

[emmapayne27]

I'm sorry to say but "who knows?" we can only assume, maybe she's hurt and thinks bad mouthing you will get her some sort of sympathy vote, or by making it seem that you were the wrong'un stops her from having to ask herself what her faults are. I could go on & on but basically the important people in your life know you well enough to know its not true, try & have a teeny bit of sympathy for her though, yourll feel better for it in the long run

[Drisgirl]

Blank her.

I dont care how difficult that may be for you - you can do it because I can and have.

[rabbits]

People lie because of guilt, if she can come up with a reason as to why it ended, she can feel better about herself. Worst kind of lying, lying to yourself.

[Drisgirl]

Neathgirl - I have looked at my post and I phrased it wrongly - I do care how hard it would be for you but she is not worthy of your concern.If someone hurts me then the mental shutters just come down and they are no longer a part of my life.Its called self preservation.Good Luck and toughen up X

[neathgirl]

thanks for the replies - i appreciate it.

emmapayne27 - i think your completely right when you say that she is trying to make me look like the wrong'un.

rabbits - you are spot on there i think - its definitely to do with guilt - as she cant face up to her true self and what she really feels inside, and more importantly who she is. I believe she is running scared and this coupled with the guilt ... well its just easier to blame me and put all the blame on my shoulders.

Drisgirl - she wont get the better of me - however, i feel in this situation blanking her will make her think that i am bothered and ``hurt`` and i am not prepared to give her the satisfaction. But what i will do is killo her with kindness and if she feels the need to discuss whats happened i will not give her the airtime that she craves and will simply say that its best i say nothing - this way nothing can be misunderstood or misinterpreted.

thank you all once again.... your advice is greatly appreciated! xx

[helsbels666]

its all her stuff! Shes either insecure, guilty, ashamed or bitter. Probably all of the above. Breaking up is easy, its getting over it that gets you down. Rise above it. Most people can usually see through all these emotions (even her mum/sister/best friend will!). She'l look petty but in the end it's prob all part of her recovery phase.

[neathgirl]

yeah your right there helsbels666 - it was never anything serious and we werent seeing each other properly just a couple of times - so on my behalf there is no hurt or anything like it, i just dont understand why she feels the need to lie about things and make a big hoooo haaaa over a bit of fun. It certainly was nothing serious on her behalf either .... one of her claims is that vodka got the better of her. Hmmmm well if that was the case why did she come back for more afterwards?! The mind boggles. Women hey... (not all of course).

[helsbels666]

I don't know how old she is but you get less bitter with maturity i think and more able to be 'adult' about these things.

[neathgirl]

Yep you should get more mature about these things.... well i would have thought so .... shes older than me shes 32.

[helsbels666]

Well, i suppose some people are just bitter. Feel sorry for the next one!

[neathgirl]

Well i guess there was quite a few complications and hey if she wants to bring me down shes got to try a whole lot harder than that. Shes just a great big scaredy cat afraid of what shes feeling and who she is. Hopefully, for her sake, she will have the courage and confidence to be herself one day.