Does life really work itself out?

[yellowduck]

Hey again. I'm feeling pretty lost at the moment. I've just broken up with my long term bfriend, all my friends are at uni (I'm on a gap year), I'm scared about going to uni cos I'm worried I'm not going to be good enough (even though I have top grades - I don't really think that matters anymore by the time you get to uni), I don't know what career path I want to follow, I'm really quiet when I first meet people and it takes me a while before I'm really confident, I'm really insecure about my looks and my body and I just don't see myself being successful in the future, I don't get on with my mum at all, I don't think that whole happy family thing will ever happen to me and I don't see how anyone could love me. In your experience is it true that life does just seem to work itself out? xxx

[Englishbird]

Oh sweety, firstly I completely understand how you feel, having been there many times. Secondly 'YES' it will all be ok!!

Life is a continuous loop of peaks and troughs. You will not feel like this for very long. As far as your confidence goes, this will improve leaps and bounds at university, our confidence grows more every time we do something we fear. Your relationship with your mum will improve once you move away. But don't live your life thinking that things will be better next year, that's how you end up 30 and wondering where it all went (trust me I'm there!!!) Make the most of your gap year, doing things that you may not get the chance to once you start working.

University will change your life. You will meet loads of new people, all as scared as you, and have the time of your life.

Life does work itself out to a degree, but you have to put some work in to keep your eye on the ball. Now take a deep breath, give yourself a hug and know that you have a whole wonderful life ahead of you, and then go out and enjoy today.

My friends mother used to say " don't worry dear, this time next year, you'll have a whole new set of problems to worry about"

Good Luck x

[andy-hughes]

Sound advice (as usual!) from Englishbird.

When you feel insecure and unsure, it is very easy to imagine that life will always be like this. I liken it to a cold winter day, when you try, and fail, to imagine what a sunny summer day is like. But just because you caon;t imagine it, doesn't mean it won't come around, because it does, and then you won;t be able to remember the cold winter day, which again will come around, because that is what life is like.

You sound like a very sensitive person, which means the joy of your 'highs' is exquisite, but the pain of your 'lows' is heartbreaking. I'd rather suffer the lows and enjoy the highs, because i can enjoy one, and evewntually learn to deal with the other.

And so will you - trust me.

[natalie_1982]

Ditto to the top two answers.

I have felt like this a 100 times over yellowduck, it gets better believe me. In time you wll look back and wonder how things could have ever been or felt so bad.

I moved out of home when I was 16 because of the relationship with my mother, and now we get on better than we have ever done. We still have our probs now and then, but I think that is natural.

Life isn't a bed of roses, but the bad times make you enjoy the good times even more ;-)

And trust Andy he is usually (in fact pretty much always) right!

Keep your chin up sweetie x x

[Trojanfarce]

I think Englishbird has missed her vocation in life, and as AH says, 'sound advice' indeed.

The only other thing I'd like to add is that you should take a huge amount of confidence in the fact that you'll be going to university on merit, you earned the right to go there by your own hard work, your own tenacity and your own will to succeed. No one can take that away from you and you should be proud of your acievements so far. Believe me, those top grades DO matter and you shouldn't put yourself down.

As Englishbird says, you'll meet masses of new people, establish a whole new set of friends, and (in my own experience) have the time of your life - you've got the rest of it to worry about the mundane things in life.

One last thing, at about your age, my other half and her mother couldn't bear (bare?) to be in the same room together, constantly fought and generally were as unpleasant as they possibly could be towards each other. Now, they are best mates, the past is forgotten and my phone bill's huge!!!

Good luck, but I'm sure you won't need it.