Did We Overreact?

[Booldawg]

Our Daughter is staying with her Grandparents for a few weeks over the Summer holidays.

Yesterday her Grandparents had allowed our Daughter (who is 8) and her cousin (who is 5) to sleep in a tent - on their own- in the back garden.

They live in fairly large town, not that it makes any difference. We were against the idea of 2 young girls, on their own, to sleep outside in a tent.

Grandma had said 'its ok Grandad will sleep downstairs' But we still weren't comfortable with that arrangement.

It all ended up a bit tense between my wife and her mum (the grandparent). The girls were brought back it at midnight as the argument was going on via text or whatever.

The Grandma feels she is being accused of being a bad Grandparent etc etc. LOL, hopefully they smooth things over as we're going up there in a few weeks time!

Would you have been happy with this sleeping arrangement? or did we over-react?

[naomi24]

Sorry, I should have been clearer. In my house.

[ummmm]

Ahh ok, that makes more sense :-)

[bhg481]

How does your wife fell about the way she was brought up by her parents? I assume they are using the same rules with your children as they did with her (we do with our grandchildren).
We used to take our two grandsons camping with us and they slept in a tent next to the caravan. They were very proud of this (heard them bragging to some kids they met camping that THEY didn't have to sleep in the caravan with their parents). From the ages of 7 & 9 we took them all over Western Europe with us for 2 weeks at a time.
Perhaps the mistake was the grandparents not clearing it with you BEFORE the event.

[Eve]

I grew up in the countryside and used to do all sorts of camping, sleeping out in people's gardens, we used to go off and play unsupervised in the woods, did brownies, guides etc...

Where I live now, there isn't a chance in hell I'd let a 5 and 8 year old sleep out in my back garden - I sure as hell wouldn't. From urban foxes to stray dogs, drunks wandering about at night, burglars on the prowl and a scary number of sex attackers round here. Just last night the police helicopter was hovering for ages round and over the park by me and numerous sirens and shouting (not unusual here) then I was woken up by people fighting on my drive in the early hours. Even the frequent bangs could scare a child, it's likely fireworks, especially with Eid, but living right by Moss Side, you just don't know. There was a bullet hole in one of my windows when I moved in.

To be fair, I wouldn't want to bring up a child living here and live on my own but unless you know the location and potential dangers I'm not sure if a reasonable decision could be made without considering all the circumstances.

[Snafu03]

there are better control measures that couldve been put in place to make this a safer experience. The grandad sleeping downstairs is no re-assurance. If he's asleep he may as well be in Timbuktoo!

if your daughter wants the whole tent experience then wait til she is home and sleep in the tent with her - if she is only 8 shes not at the age whereby adult company is embarrassing, that comes later.
either way I doubt not letting her camp out in the back garden will make her grow into a 'clueless teenager'
Remember Sarah Payne? snatched from her granparents garden in broad daylight in a rural location. not on my watch.

[Sparkles62]

Eight and five seems a bit young for this in my opinion, as many people have said they probably would not have lasted the whole night,
How fit is Grandma, could she have stayed in the tent with them?
Maybe a chat with your Mum to clear the air would be good before things get out of hand,
when you go up in a few weeks time could YOU in the children on a night out camping in Grans garden?

[islasmum]

I'm neither a mother or grandmother so can only remark upon this from my point of view - I used to love sleeping in the garden from quite a young age, with my 'best' friend, as my sisters are both much older than me - but with the remarks about a parent or grandparent sleeping out there with the children - surely part of the excitement of sleeping out in a garden was to do it by yourself, or with friends, minus adult company. I think that it's very sad that people have to worry about gardens being secure - it reflects very badly on our society. Thank goodness I grew up in the 60's 70's etc, and was allowed a great deal of freedom that children nowadays will never know.

[bhg481]

I think Quizmonster has a valid point - the likelihood of anything happening is extremely remote and over-hyped by the press. Remember they make a big fuss of an aeroplane or train crash which kills far fewer people than are killed daily in road accidents; the fuss is made because it's a rare event
I've been wandering round this planet for nearly 70 years; I've had people I know die from cancer, heart attacks, road accidents and murder but I haven't known anyone whose child has been abducted or harmed at all by strangers. The chance of such events happening is very slim and you risk spoiling your child's enjoyment of life by being over-protective.

[ummmm]

I didn't mean not letting a child camp in the garden would make them into clueless teenagers. Wrapping them up in cotton wool will...

[Smowball]

Personally I think you over-reacted a tad. The girls would have been very excited and then to be brought home at midnight wouldnt have been much fun. Not knowing what their garden is like makes a difference but am sure the grandparents would never have considered it if they thought the girls wouldnt have been safe.

[bhg481]

Ummmm - Absolutely. The prime job of parents is to teach children how to cope with danger NOT to completely shelter them from it. At some point in its life the child will be out of your reach, will encounter danger and need to know how to cope with it.

Smowball - I agree completely.

[gness]

I thought my garden was secure. I came home from a break a few months ago to find a fence panel behind the shed demolished and my tall side gate open...this can only be done from the inside.
Yesterday I was sitting on the patio and noticed two ornaments were no longer in my garden. The one hanging from the tree would have to be pulled down and I don't think the jolly big frog dangling his feet in the pond hopped away so....I don't think I would let two very young children sleep in my garden...not without an awake adult in the house....or suffering the aches of sleeping in a nearby tent.

[meglet]

I think it's a bit of a leap that someone who would steal from your garden might abduct your child though.

[gness]

My point was, Meg....I thought my garden was too secure to get into without my noticing or hearing......it isn't.

[meglet]

Righto gness, thats fair enough.

[fairycakes69]

I wouldn't let my grand kids 8 and 4 camp in the garden overnight. No matter how secure the garden is. They wake up in the middle of the night disorientation and get upset. Ours have slept in the garden but with an adult. When older fair enough, but not at that age.

[netibiza]

I also allowed my daughter to sleep outside, but very near to my bedroom window, I wasn't easy about it though. When a gecko fell on her head that was the end of it! but it is a good experience for the kids, although maybe granddad should also have slept with them.

[lynbrown]

You did not over react. I would never let my young grandchildren sleep out in a tent. There are other treats the children could enjoy that are less risky.