divorce and financial settlement

[niel]

I am currently 2 weeks from a decree absolute, after 3 years of separation. I have a residency order for our 10 year old son, my wife left desipite having the option of staying in the rented home which i offered to pay for and having the option to a council house, she decieded not to and to be totaly independant. We only had 1 current account in my name which both our wages were paid into, when she left the household owed �42 k in various forms, mainly consolodation loans accrued from the large period when she did not work. I have had to pay all these debts as they were in my name, and she refused to, I recieve no financial child support what so ever from her. However after 3 years of being financially indepenant she has now put a stop on the divorce proceedings. She wants part of my RAF pension as compensation and part of a possible redundancy package, eventhough i am repaying all OUR debts and soley supporting OUR sons welfare and wellbeing. She recently obtained a new job earning an extra 8k but still has made no offer to assist. with such large debts i am struggling to repay them but am getting by. I have 5 years before i can recive my pension and a lump sum, by which time my son will be in his last year of secondary school and very much a depenant still, i will need to find alternative accomodation and a new career. Can she resonably be expected to be successfull in her claim as any money she recieves from me will be to the detriment to our sons welfare?

[lady_p_gold]

I am sorry you are having such a stressful situation. Normally during divorce (did you not have a solicitor?) all the marital assets and debts on both sides are put into a pot and how that pot is divided is either down to amicable agreement or if not then the Court will decide. They also take into account the length of the marriage, who has contributed what and what are the ongoing needs of both parties. So your caring for your son and his housing needs will be taken into consideration if you do end up in Court over this, which of course it is better not to as it can be very expensive. Your wife can apply for some of your pension, or a pension sharing order, as you can of her. The fact that you are the carer for your son will all be taken into account. I do hope you manage to sort it out and hopefully you and your son manage to get through it all and go forward to happier times.

[noxlumos]

Frankly sounds as if she's taking the mick to me. You're certainly entitled to money from her now to help towards the upkeep of your son and since your not claiming that from her I'd call her bluff if I were you, but obviously see your solicitor first.I have custody of my children from my first marriage and had to let my ex wife have everything, as she was using them as a weapon, and she just breezed out of their lives, never calling or visiting and only ever getting in touch with me to demand yet more money.I'd nip this in the bud if at all possible if I were you. See your solicitor and get it sorted.Best of luck.