tricky questions

[biscuitboy]

An ex is 21 weeks pregnant - she says they are mine. I am fed up of paying for everything until I am 100% sure - I would add she didn't tell me until 2nd trimester

at what point can I get a paternity test?? (if they are mine I'll give them my last penny)

Also any suggestions how I ask for test without offending her so much she don't talk to me again

[noxlumos]

Well do you already have a child with her or is she expecting twins, as you're referring to them in the plural?

If you already have a child with her surely you're fond enough of that child for it not to matter if it's yours or not, you've been it's father so it's your child, I'd find it an odd thing to want to do, prove a child I had been a father to wasn't mine so I didn't have to pay for it.

If you don't have a child and she's having twins there is no polite way to ask a woman for a paternity test, by definition the very fact you're asking makes it obvious that you think she may be trying to con you or she's slept around so best to be pleasant but direct. I wouldn't expect a great response though, she's bound to be offended if they are yours and she hasn't slept with anyone else.

[kick3m0n]

many women don't say anything about their pregnancy until the second trimester, as it's much more likely that something will go wrong before 13 weeks. I understand that as the baby's father you perhaps feel you should have been told earlier, but since you and she were ex'es at the time, she may have wanted to wait until everything was settled with the pregnancy until breaking the news to you. I don't really think you can judge her for that.

Do you have any real reason to believe the child is(children are?) not yours? If not, then you may want to hold off rushing to ask for a paternity test. How sure are you just now? You need to seriously weigh up your need to know 100% against the real possibility that you will offend your ex girlfriend so much, that it makes any relationship with her a problem. If you can't have a reasonably friendly relationship with your ex, it will make life much more difficult for all of you in raising the child and ultimately the child will be the one who really suffers.

[B00]

And in regard to your last question- there is no way of asking for a paternity test without offending her.

[Hans_Olo]

I wouldn't pay anything until I was sure they (is there more than one?) were mine. I guess you could refuse to pay anything until she demanded and went through the csa, at which point you could challenge it - if she refused a paternity test you would need a court order - I have a feeling though that without one if you denied they were yours one would be granted. Of course if you are on the birth certificate then you have parental responsibility and could consent to a test without reference to the mother but you would have to be present at the registration and pay maintainence til it was resolved! Take your pick!!!

[Hans_Olo]

By the way you cant have a paternity test til they are born!!!!

[joko]

wait until they are born, and do it then, just don't tell her. not ideal i know, but if they are yours, no harm done, she need never know, but if not then she will find out anyway.