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15 year old boys!!!
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Hi can anybody give me some advice on how to handle my 15 yr old son. I love him to bits but I am finding it very difficult to be able to handle him. He just seems to have a mind of his own right now and I know that all teenagers go through this that why I know it will pass. I just need some help to get me through it just now. He just refuses to do anything that I ask him like tonight I asked him to come in at 10 as my younger daughter had friends staying and I did not want him to disturb them when he came in and he said no. I have told him to stay in abit more to study as he has got exams in a few weeks time and he says stop moaning he will be fin in the exams(not). Refuses to clean his room winds his sister up constantly till she is in tears, is cheeky to me but not his dad, I am just finding him hard work just now as his dad is away working this week and he seems to think he can do as he wishes.He is not a bad boy he does not drink or smoke or anything else but he is always late for school in the mornings in fact 24 times since christmas and he will not get out of bed earlier to be on time.
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Good lord, cut the boy some slack! He hardly sounds like he's out there mugging grannies and shovelling mephedrone down his neck like some Daily Mail vision incarnate!
"He just seems to have a mind of his own right now"
That's exactly what he does have! Part of the process of puberty is growing into the person you're going to become and moving away from the child you were. This will inevitably involve the testing of boundaries - getting up late, staying out late, not tidying his room... And really, if he's already 15 and this is the worst he's doing, you're getting off very lightly! Not to belittle your stresses, but it sounds as if you may be slightly overreacting. He'll learn from his mistakes - be that socially, or academically - but he has to be allowed to do so. The best thing you can do is give him some room and be there for him when he needs you. Growing up is a learning curve for the parents, too, and a pretty steep one.
If you really feel you need help with him, ask the one person able to provide it - your son. Take him out for lunch somewhere, just the two of you, and, as you would an adult, ask him how he is and how he's finding things. Chances are taking a step back will work wonders for the both of you.
"He just seems to have a mind of his own right now"
That's exactly what he does have! Part of the process of puberty is growing into the person you're going to become and moving away from the child you were. This will inevitably involve the testing of boundaries - getting up late, staying out late, not tidying his room... And really, if he's already 15 and this is the worst he's doing, you're getting off very lightly! Not to belittle your stresses, but it sounds as if you may be slightly overreacting. He'll learn from his mistakes - be that socially, or academically - but he has to be allowed to do so. The best thing you can do is give him some room and be there for him when he needs you. Growing up is a learning curve for the parents, too, and a pretty steep one.
If you really feel you need help with him, ask the one person able to provide it - your son. Take him out for lunch somewhere, just the two of you, and, as you would an adult, ask him how he is and how he's finding things. Chances are taking a step back will work wonders for the both of you.
I am sure it will pass but maybe his dad needs to have a word with him and tell him you need to be given some respect. Yes he will have a mind of his own now but does not mean he needs to be so difficult . He is still in your care and needs to respect that. Do you give him pocket money, money for phone or whatever? Maybe that needs to be reduced? Good luck!
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My daughter was worse than my son,lardhelmet,you're just lucky.
My son is 15 and sounds a bit like that and he has exams in a few weeks too.
Cast your mind back to when you were 15,weren't you the same? I stayed in bed too long,I had fights with my brother,I liked my room messy.Are these things really important in the grand scheme of things?
As agent says ,cut him some slack,he does have a mind of his own,and quite frankly he aint normal if he doesn't rebel a bit!
My son is 15 and sounds a bit like that and he has exams in a few weeks too.
Cast your mind back to when you were 15,weren't you the same? I stayed in bed too long,I had fights with my brother,I liked my room messy.Are these things really important in the grand scheme of things?
As agent says ,cut him some slack,he does have a mind of his own,and quite frankly he aint normal if he doesn't rebel a bit!
yes, he does have a mind of his own...and one thing that is guaranteed to wind a 15 year old up is if you treat him like he hasnt or shouldnt have
do you explain to him why you ask him to do things? or just tell him what to do? if you explain properly he can understand why you are saying these things rather than just seeng it as you wielding power and moaning - as many kids do.
my parent were very 'yes or no and thats final' - no discussion no explanation etc - they beleived it was enough to just tell me what to do simply because they were my parent and i had no right to question it...an dhaving a father that worried intensly about every little thing and always saw every thing in worst case scenario it was hard....reeeeaaalllly pisht me off i can tell you
do you explain to him why you ask him to do things? or just tell him what to do? if you explain properly he can understand why you are saying these things rather than just seeng it as you wielding power and moaning - as many kids do.
my parent were very 'yes or no and thats final' - no discussion no explanation etc - they beleived it was enough to just tell me what to do simply because they were my parent and i had no right to question it...an dhaving a father that worried intensly about every little thing and always saw every thing in worst case scenario it was hard....reeeeaaalllly pisht me off i can tell you
If he has a mind of his own, even if he is not using it the way you want at the moment, may be a good thing. If he is not into all the bad things, drink, drugs ASB, sounds like he is using his mind of his own in the things you would want him to do as well.
As some of the others say, maybe now is the time when the relationship begtween you ought to be changing from Mum / little lad, to mother/ young man. He will be gone from your hands in no time at all, so try and make sure when he does, much loved mother is the person he wants to come back to.....
As some of the others say, maybe now is the time when the relationship begtween you ought to be changing from Mum / little lad, to mother/ young man. He will be gone from your hands in no time at all, so try and make sure when he does, much loved mother is the person he wants to come back to.....
Some good answers and especially from Agent Zig-Zag.
The boy you describe would seem to be much the same as all others as this age - my son was just the same. He is finding his feet and forming his own character and perfectly normal. My son changed from a tidy boy to an absolutely untidy teenager almost overnight and nothing I said would change it, so I just didn't go in his room because I didn't need the stress. As for studying, well he just didn't unless he was really interest in something and he did fine and could he get up in the mornings well no he couldn't. And he was so, so cheeky and at times I could have easily throttled him!!
He is now 27, has a partner, a house, a good job, and I am so proud of him (and he is still untidy - but it doesn't worry him, so why should I be concerned).
This stage really doesn't last forever and as you say yourself he's not a bad boy! Before you know it he will be up and away so make the most of him.
The boy you describe would seem to be much the same as all others as this age - my son was just the same. He is finding his feet and forming his own character and perfectly normal. My son changed from a tidy boy to an absolutely untidy teenager almost overnight and nothing I said would change it, so I just didn't go in his room because I didn't need the stress. As for studying, well he just didn't unless he was really interest in something and he did fine and could he get up in the mornings well no he couldn't. And he was so, so cheeky and at times I could have easily throttled him!!
He is now 27, has a partner, a house, a good job, and I am so proud of him (and he is still untidy - but it doesn't worry him, so why should I be concerned).
This stage really doesn't last forever and as you say yourself he's not a bad boy! Before you know it he will be up and away so make the most of him.
Thanks everybody for your help and advice I have taken onboard everthing that you have said and will try to be a little more patient with him. Had a long chat with him the other night so hopefully things will get a little better. Over the past year he has been given alot of slack zig zag but he has his standard grades in 2 weeks time so he needs to really get his act together .
Just re: school lateness .... I myself was never in school before 9:15am but also it would be waste of time to arrive on time because
a- teacher is always at least 5 minutes late - if senior teacher ect is always longer sometimes if at all -
b- once in classroom, everyones sat down ect ect is very least 15 minutes into 60 minute lesson
c- depending on the behaviour of class and those coming late ect by time students begin working themselfs is about 30-40 min into lesson, then after 10 15 minutes lessons over.
1- not learning anything
2- be no odds if 20 min late to every lesson nothing would be missed
So let him have some freedom but also maybe try speaking with him to see how he feels that his attitude and behaviour could change and be improved? If this fails give him your expectations and what rules he's expected to follow but make sure your clear that if he misbehaves then you will ground him and remove his ps3/xbox computer tv ect and this will be continual until things change and you might see him improving over time if he's restricted to what he can do , and his dad should chat with him and make sure he understands that both mum/dad are just as equal in being treated with respect and any instructions are to be followed and not just to be ignored and he will be punished should he need to be. The consequences of his behaviour and actions is something he might not be aware of fully, and if he is could be just ignoring them so good luck with sorting him out sorry about the long and pointless waffel I hope you can see what my general point is?
a- teacher is always at least 5 minutes late - if senior teacher ect is always longer sometimes if at all -
b- once in classroom, everyones sat down ect ect is very least 15 minutes into 60 minute lesson
c- depending on the behaviour of class and those coming late ect by time students begin working themselfs is about 30-40 min into lesson, then after 10 15 minutes lessons over.
1- not learning anything
2- be no odds if 20 min late to every lesson nothing would be missed
So let him have some freedom but also maybe try speaking with him to see how he feels that his attitude and behaviour could change and be improved? If this fails give him your expectations and what rules he's expected to follow but make sure your clear that if he misbehaves then you will ground him and remove his ps3/xbox computer tv ect and this will be continual until things change and you might see him improving over time if he's restricted to what he can do , and his dad should chat with him and make sure he understands that both mum/dad are just as equal in being treated with respect and any instructions are to be followed and not just to be ignored and he will be punished should he need to be. The consequences of his behaviour and actions is something he might not be aware of fully, and if he is could be just ignoring them so good luck with sorting him out sorry about the long and pointless waffel I hope you can see what my general point is?
It sounds to me like he is just trying your patients. He wants to see what he can get away with.Make sure your husband and you agree on what he can and can't do and that your son knows that your husband knows about all of the trouble he is causing you and that there will be consequences. He is only 15 remind him you are still boss
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