Please stop staring

[Wispy68]

My lovely 11 year old son has a rare genetic syndrome and has mental and physical disabilities. When we're out and about, he is constantly stared at, sneered at and sniggered at. My son does not notice what these ignorant people are doing (being a friendly little soul, he just waves at them and says, 'hello') but I get very upset and angry and have often got back home and cried with frustration and hurt. I've been 'advised' by family and friends, to either ignore it, explain my sons condition, or just tell them to **** off! Does anyone else on Answerbank experience similar situations? If so, how do you deal with them?

[BenDToy]

Nicola Jane, While I can't begin to understand how this must affect you, as I have no experience, I would like to offer some comments. People can be most ignorant, and your reaction, whatever it may be, is unlikely to change that. The person who could be most affected by this is your son, and I think his reaction is probably the best example of how to deal with them. If he is genuinely unaware, then they are not hurting him, and by meeting their rudeness with a cheery response he is rising above it, and maybe, just maybe, one or two of them will be shamed by this response. The temptation to verbally abuse them must be strong, but by doing so you probably reinforce their hostility. However if it makes you feel better then I say - just you go ahead and tell them what you think!

[DavidUK]

I am sad and angry too that you and your son have to put up with such ignorant and stupid people. I suspect that if you explained about your son's condition, most of these people would be very embarrassed and would shuffle off as quickly as they could and would think twice about their actions in future. Unfortunately, there will always be others who will stare etc. so all you can do is to try to change your reaction to it. I am reminded of a bit of Buddhist philosophy I read once that went along the lines: "The world is covered in sharp stones but you can never hope to remove all of these stones so you must wear shoes with thick soles" (or words to that effect!). Much easier said than done, though! As for swearing at them, I doubt that it would leave you feeling better but I know I would be very tempted. At least your son has an advantage that some children don't: a mother who loves him very much.

[happyducky]

I myself haven't really suffered much but I used to look after a little four year old girl with downs syndrome and she was stared at. Even though she was no relation to me it hurt because she was so helpless and hadn't done anything to deserve snide comments and stares. Unfortunately, there really isn't anything you can do except learn to live with them and hope one day that people like the ones the stared and laughed at the people we love learn to stop being so childish and spiteful. I really don't understand why people are like that, and your a better person for not responding. Best of luck to you.

[coemgen]

Nicola Jane, I DO know what you are going through, I have a 5 year old son who suffers from chronic eczema, it's better now but when he was smaller he was covered in weeping red scabs and sores all over his face and body. He wasn't bothered by the stares and whispers, but I used to get a lot of hostility, people used to think I'd battered him.I used to get lots of dirty looks and people even used to say to me quite menacingly " where did he get that from then?" He also wasn't welcome at playgroup as mothers would pull their kids away muttering that they didn't want their kids to catch it, one health visitor even said I would have to keep him away when he was "infectious". I thought everyone knew that you can't catch eczema and although his skin was often infected it was never infectious. I also have another son who has Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of Autism.Thankfully he too is unaware of people's attitudes.When people learn he has difficulties they tend to ignore him cpmpletely.He couldn't talk until he was 4, but he still had all his senses.I don't think people mean to be so ignorant, I think maybe they are just so at a loss at how to react.

[beweypm]

Nicola Jane - I can't pretend that I have been through what you and your family have to put up. I just wanted to offer my virtual support. Your son's reaction seems to be th best way of belittling these small minded people and hopefully he has more of an affect on them than any shouting or swearing will ever do (as tempting as it must be). I think we could all learn a lot from your son.

[soconfused]

hi, my son is autistic and when we go out people just assume he is naughty, they are just ignorant and obviously don't understand, now it dosen,t bother me i just ignore, i heard that somebody made little cards which said my son is this and this which means this etc and just handed them out whenever somebody stared or made comments about them!