Half a poem

[David H]

I really didn't think this deserved to go in arts and literature...

Back in the 60s we had a version of the Beverley Hillbillies, which started as follows:

'Tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed

Couldn't find a toilet so he used his hat instead

Couldn't find no paper so he used...

That is where my memory ran dry. Can anyone (probably well over 40) finish it for me?

[Grunty]

Hopefully the next two words are The Sun.

[Grunty]

Just by chance, I found this in the Moscow News

http://mosnews.com/news/2006/01/24/toiletpaper.shtml

[David H]

Thank you Grunty, it reminds me of the Mrs Thatcher paper of the 80s. I've actually found nearly every poem and more on a playground tunes site but they hadn't got this one as I knew it. But it couldn't just be restricted to my primary school so someone should remember. I just had a song given to me I asked over a year ago, so I may need a little patience but the system works sooner or later here!

[Bob A Job]

could it have gone like this

'Couldnt find paper so he used some bread
and thats how they invented Marmite!'

Damn evil stuff..lol

[David H]

I think the improvisations will be at least as good as the original!

It begins 'Come listen to a story' I've just discovered, but that was from the official version. Obviously inspired by Dan Dan the lavatory man, washed his face in a frying pan etc.

[Julia6]

Hey Bob a Job, check out my earlier question about Marmite on Food & Drink. There's even a marmite eaters forum website! It made me laugh. Julia.

[David H]

35 years later I've found it!

I wanna tell ya story 'bout a man named Fred
He couldn't find the toilet so he went behind the shed,
He had no toilet paper, wiped his backside with a leaf,
Along came Granny and kicked him in the teeth.

Our version was Jed (as in the original) and line 2 was 'used his hat instead' I think the rest is more or less the answer. I won't link as it isn't exactly suitable for family viewing!

[David H]

Feast or famine, found another version

Let me tell you a story 'bout a man named Jed,
Couldn't find a toilet so he went behind a shed,
Couldn't find the bogroll so he used a bit of grass,Up popped Ellie May and shot him in the ass.

of course the versions went from school to school like Chinese whispers.