What to do with my Aunt?

[madein1978]

I have a problem with my Aunt. She is 50 years old and is in a desperate situation which she seems unwilling to get herself out of, and my dad, her brother, is too chicken to say anything to her. She seems to think that she can make a living out of all of the junk and c*ap she has bought from boot sales, stuff like cruet sets and other pottery and ornaments that you or I would give to the church jumble sale or Oxfam, its all totally worthless but she can't see it. My gran died in 2002, my aunt was my grans official carer, and she always said she would be able to find work again after gran went, 4 years later, she still has no job, and has no interest in getting one. She won't even keep her house clean and tidy. Please advise me on what to do, if I wait for my dad to do anything, I'm in for a bloody long wait!!

[scuzzball]

Mind your own business! She is old enough to make her own decisions.

[CT]

Try posting on Body & Soul too.

[Robinia]

Try not to be too hard on her - it sounds as though she may be depressed and has lost her way/purpose.
I wouldn't worry too much about the boot sale stuff - hopefully it's not taking every penny she has & is something harmless she's chosen to focus on.
Could you have a light hearted chat with her, maybe even tell her gently that you're worried she's not her old self? How about suggesting you go for a nice lunch or shopping trip to cheer her up. Maybe she'll open up & you can take it from there. She might need a little help from a GP but she needs to choose to do that. If you suggest it she just might withdraw or get angry.
Gently does it - good luck.

[smudge]

If your Aunt was once your Nan's official carer, it could be that she is so lost without her & just can't see the wood for the trees. She may very well be suffering from depression, or just likes living with what you may look upon as old toot, but she doesn't.

You may not like my Victorian memorabillia, angels, fairies, pixies, cherubs & owls, etc., but it's what I like - the same applies to your Aunt's personal things.

Treat her to a nice bunch of flowers & share a cup of tea with her - I'm sure she'd really appreciate that.

[smudge]

Sorry, should have said Gran (not Nan).

[madein1978]

Thank you so far, I would like to clarify, the old junk she keeps buying, it is making an unhealthy hole in her benefit, and she seems to think that a 10p salt cellar could be worth 100's of pounds, all because she saw it in the Millars guide, sells the item, and realises the books a load of cobblers. but she keeps doing it! I do believe that she is depressed though, but whats frustrating me is nobodys doing anything about it, which is doing more harm than good. Smokes far more than is remotely good for her as well.

[smudge]

At this stage, your Aunt's car boot collection should be the least of your concern for her - that can always be sorted out at a later date, if that's what she wants.

I still think, initially taking her flowers, sharing a pot of tea with her & then gradually leading up to asking whether there's anything you can do for her, is your best bet.

I've done this with certain people in the past & have found that talking is the best remedy. It usually leads to them opening up & pouring their hearts out - that alone can play a very big part in getting back on the road to recovery.

Good luck.

[madein1978]

OK, I will try that and see if it does any good, hopefully it will. I just gotta get the nerve up to do it now!

[smudge]

P.S. One of my sister's is currently having treatment for bladder cancer & although having cut down, she still smokes. She has tried everything from patches to hypnosis, but all to no avail.

I being a non smoker, her consultant & others, have all tried to tell her how much further damage she could be doing, but she already knows that. Like your Aunt - it has to come from her.

[smudge]

I'm sure you can do it madien.

But just remember - try not to mention her 'junk' until perhaps the next time you visit, otherwise, she'll cotton on what you're up to! Good luck.

[smudge]

*madein

[joko]

why not help her onto the internet so she could sell some of her stuff on ebay?
If something is in millers guide it is not rubbish! if she is sellling stuff cheap then she is not getting the full worth.

suggest if she really wants to see what is worth a lot, take photos of all her stuff (and a shot of the base of ornaments for any markings etc) and send them to christies or southeby's for valuation. they will know if any of it is worth anything, then she can safely do a boot sale and get rid of the rest cheaply.

don't try to organise her life for her, she is a grown up and can do what she likes, whether you or your dad approve or not. if you try to force the issue she may just retreat and start avoiding you.

does she make any money at all for this stuff or is selling things ridiculously cheap?

people buy this kind of stuff so i wouldn't be so quick to say its rubbish - if something is unsaleable even charity shops will bin it.

perhaps this is just a hobby, something to fill the void your nan has left - let her have a hobby, but suggest she opens some kind of account to put savings in - a certain amount each week, by direct debit, that she cannot touch except for bills, food etc.

could she even open a little shop? or astall in a market?

[smudge]

Have you bought that bunch of flowers yet madein?

[madein1978]

Not yet, I've been working, but I will do it on Friday.