A question for blokes....

[kezza1973]

I have been thinking about joining a dating site. I am a single mum so would prefer to meet someone with their own kids too. The thing is, my children are mixed race. When do I mention this as some dads may feel differently if my children are not white. I'm very pround of my children but don't want to see a look of horror on their face if I introduced my children at some point in the future, nor do I want to go on about it on the site like it is a major deal. Would it bother you if I hadn't mentioned it before we met or spoke?

[andy-hughes]

If you are at a stage with a guy where you feel comfortable introducing him to your children, their ethnic origin should have already come up, and if he's someone who reacts with anything other than pleasure, he shouldn't be with you, so it should all be OK when that time comes.

Personally it wouldn't bother me - I am not that shallow, and it wouldn't bother any man worthy of five minutes of your time.

Hope everything works out for you.

[Englishbird]

Yea, I agree with Andy, be totally up front about the fact you have kids, but to right minded people it doesn't matter at all what colour they are.

Your ex partner may come up in conversation at some point prior to a new man meeting your children, so you will have a chance to bring it up if you want to. But I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's not a big deal, and any man that thinks it is can be shown the door pretty quickly

[seaborn]

Totally agree with both answers here - go for it and be upfront from day one and if it feels comfortable and right. If the guy likes you enough, your childrens colour should be the last worry he has, if not - he's not right for you or your children.

Now, in return - A question to the girls:

I'm single & have been for 18months+, problem is i don't get meet women that often because of my job (or if i do its under the wrong circumstances - Im an International Air, Land & Sea Rescue Agent. So, should i also be looking to join a dating site? - My past girlfriends, have all had the problem of my job, being dangerous, i'm on call 24/7 etc, etc... I love my job, im not bad looking and am very stable in a great house/family etc, so should my job really be a hang-up??!!

[kezza1973]

Hey seaborn, thanks for the advice, I'll attempt to return...

In response to your question, I don't think your job is the problem, it sounds more like the time it takes up. I guess if the girlfriend wants your attention 80% of the day then it may be a problem, otherwise if she leads her own independent busy life it may not bother her so much? Get dating online, it seems it doesn't have the 'sad' label attached anymore. People are leading busier lives than ever and you can be really choosy too. (Do you like kids(!!!???) LOL

[seaborn]

Hey there Kezza. I love kids and get on so well with them. My last girlfriend was a single mum and i still see her boy as often as i can - even though she's living with someone and it we split 18 months ago!

Affraid i'm no good for you though - your looking for a guy with children already. - so come on then tell me about yourself ................. lol

[DebDeb]

I am not a man but my son is mixed race so I do understand what you mean but you can't hide it and if a man is racist he is bad for you and your children.You don't have to make a big point of it like it's an issue.After a few dates why don't you just show him some photos of them and if it's a problem to him then he will be a problem to you.You will probably meat someone through your childrens activities or something anyway so they will already know them.Also on a dating site don't you need to put if you prefer black or white men?If they see you don't mind it's a risk anyway and any racist man would only want a woman that said she only wanted white men.Relax and enjoy yourself and don't go looking for a man,one will come to you I am sure.Good luck

[kezza1973]

low maintenance, easily pleased and enjoy my own company.....we are perfect!....lol

[treacle84]

Feel the love!!

[Englishbird]

Seaborn, no your job shouldn't be a problem, the point is that the 'right' person for someone is someone who can deal with the things in our lives.

I've been on internet dating, and the good thing about it is that you put whatever your issues are down up front, so if someone wants to meet you they want to meet you 'despite' what you see as your issue.

Be it the way you look, colour, religion, job, if you're a smoker, whatever your thing is, as long as you're honest about it, it's not an issue ..... for the right person.

Blimey, maybe we should start an answerbank dating Topic. :o)

[Laurinha]

Be up front about the fact you have kids, yeah or couse and anyone with half a brain shouldn't think twice about the fact they are mixed race! However - I'd tell the guy beforehand or find out his views on race etc before allowing your kids to confronted by him! However, if you are at the stage where he's meeting your kids you really should knoe that much about HIM!

[Laurinha]

Didn't notice this question was for blokes before I answered! Why is it just for blokes? Aaah nevermind...

[Laurinha]

I didn't notice my spelling either - sorry!

[johnlambert]

Would it bother you if your partner had mixed race kids?

No?

Why should it bother him?

[seaborn]

Well, Hi there Kezza � Where have you been all my life??!!
(Who needs dating site when we have AnswerBank, I only came on here to see if anyone knew where I could download an old Volvo advert!!)