how long would you let a sibling stay?

[imajenarry]

my brother is currently staying in our spare room. this is the 3rd time in a couple of years . usually returns to his gf after few weeks but this time it's been 3 (long) months. i feel i need to do something about this now.i don't want to kick him while he's down but really feel he's taking advantage and it's really stressing me out now. (i want my house back) me and bf both work to pay bills and put food on the table for us and our little boy whilst my brother isn't paying us a penny...he lost his job a few days before his gf kicked him out. insult to injury is my brother gave me impression they'd split up but i found out couple of weeks ago that they are still together(if you can call it that)..meanwhile he's at our house eating our food,using our electric and heating whilst we're at work and has telly on almost 24hrs a day.sorry if i sound bitter but i've supported myself since 16years of age whilst my brother has gone through life like this. he's got it down to fine art. i know if i broach him about this whether it be moving out or getting some work to pay his way he will give me the wounded dog look and make me feel very very guilty. any suggestions anyone?

[pinktwink]

have you talked to your brother about your feelings or his future plans. Perhaps that may be the best place to start as he may not be aware he is such an inconveniance. Have you tought of talking to him about gettingg a job? Does he have other accomadation to go to ar do you have another sibling that he could stay with for a while. Perhaps you could also ask him for help with the bills or chores.

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes - sit down with him and write down your outgoings on a piece of paper. Tell him that unless he stumps up some cash, he's going to have to look out for a place of his own, however hard it may be for him. Actually seeing what things mount up to, might make him realise that he's been lucky so far. The thing is, maybe he's suffering from depression? If so, he's hardly liable to want to go looking for work, so just put sugestions to him, and see if you can work something out together, in a way that won't cause arguments. good luck.

[imajenarry]

no he hasn't really got anywhere else to go..unless his gf actually takes him back. i know i need to talk to him just finding it really difficult. (we're not from a family that talks openly like this to each other)

[terambulan]

Poor chap is down enuf......try and find him some voluntary work till he finds a job; maybe in local hospital where he will meet other people?

[Velvetee]

It sounds like he is taking the rise out of you. You say he's still with his girlfriend, but living with you. Maybe she doesn't want him poncing of her, so has sent him to you.

If he can't get a job, the very least he could do would be to apply for Jobseekers Allowance and give some of the money to you, to pay his way.

I know how you feel. I've also supported myself from a young age and my sister has never done anything for me, except take. Her adult kids are of the same thinking, that the world owes them a living. I am happy though to write them all off, just because they are family doesn't mean you have to lay down and take any crap from them.

[imajenarry]

terambulan-don't think he wants to work. i've told him to badger the agency who he had his last job with but i think he's called them twice in all these weeks!! much easier to do what he's doing now and let everyone else look after him. aargh. think your right velvetee-if he still had money coming in he'd still be at gf's. feel mad at his gf too cos if your in a relationship it's thru thick and thin isn't it?

[Kassee]

Just tell him you cant afford to do it anymore. Maybe he can stay for a while in your spare room (put a time limit on it), but cant eat your food, use your hot water etc etc. He needs to contribute, and buy his own food. Spell it out to him, if you and your BF lost your jobs, you would need some money from somewhere and you would be desperately looking for work, I am sure. He needs to be the same. Your not helping him really.

[Kassee]

You say you dont talk openly about things with your brother. But some talking must have gone on when he turned up and wanted your spare room the first time. Now its become a habit.