Who Really Cares?

[gness]

I was told some weeks ago that I had to move Mum to a nursing home within three weeks.
I refused to accept the nursing home suggested by Social Services and worked my socks off to get her a place in what I consider to be the best possible home for her. I even negotiated a slightly reduced cost with the rather dishy manager....amazing what a bit of eyelash fluttering and a common love of the Rolling Stones will do...☺
Social Services refused to allow me to go ahead until their panel had met to discuss it. (Not the poo panel) That meeting took place last Thursday and despite phone calls and emails we have been unable to have their decision.
Now we find out that Mum is being moved to that home tomorrow...that information came not from Social Services but from a phone call from the home she is in asking if we would pay the cost of moving her...of course we will.
Now, I can fight my corner but if I were an elderly person with a spouse in the position my Mum is in...what hope and what help from Social Services?
Between this and the incontinence pads I am beginning to wonder if they ever achieve anything.

[tonyav]

Very well done, gness.

[ummmm]

Money talks...sad but true.

Both my nan and grandad were in homes. Her in a care home for dementia, him in a nursing home for his various ailments. Paid privately, got treated better....fact.

[gness]

I'm not sure about that, Ummmm....When my job involved weekly contact with care and nursing homes I found it was the people working there that mattered most.
Mum has been paying for her care til now but that will end soon. I knew that a nursing home would be inevitable some time ago and started looking and asking people about the ones in our area.
The one I chose was...as far as a home can be...impressive and, knowing Mum would soon have used all her savings, came to an agreement with the manager should we be successful with SS.
For me it really is the carers who matter.

[jake-the-peg]

Well it's kind of true

When I was getting a place for my father there were no council funded places available at the home of my choice.

He was self-financing so he got a beautiful room with french windows out onto a patio but that just wouldn't have been an option if he had been state funded

I think he got very good attention from the staff too but I think that was possibly more to do with the fact that we took him out for lunch every Sunday - so they knew us and they knew he was being constantly looked in on.

But having said that the others seemed well looked after too.

Did see some very depressing homes when I was looking though

My number 1 tip if you're looking for a home for someone self funding is don't take their first price ask for a discount - Council pay much less and you've bargaining power

I got £100 a week knocked off

[gness]

There are some depressing places, Jake. I'm not sure how much we have had the fees reduced by but the agreement is that when the state pays she will stay, for that amount, in the room I chose.
I think I have been lucky in having to do this when there was a vacancy and by meeting a really caring chap.

[ummmm]

It is the carers but in my experience the better care homes are a bit more fussy with who they employ.

My nans care home is like a posh hotel. Pot luck and cash.

Hopefully your mother has a voice. It's a horrible situation to be in, regardless of your relationship we want the best for our parents.....

[gness]

Only voice she has, Ummmm is through my brother and me but that's working okay so far.
Now...do I leave Devon in this downpour or wait til it stops? Though that could be March and the daughter isn't that patient!....☺

[tonyav]

Been raining for three days here, gness. think I'll start building an ark.

[ummmm]

She has a voice then. It doesn't matter what care home she goes in to. They have a minimal of care. Make your opinion known and they will listen to you.

99% of care workers really care. Your mum will probably be really happy x

[Old_Geezer]

Doesn't get any better nearer the end of life either. My woman is having to cope with her father about to die, and to be honest the government doesn't seem to have much in place for care, expecting the family to cope, and they are too old to be expected to do much, and the hospice don't want a long term resident so get edgy if they haven't gone when predicted. Well they are running on charity when this sort of thing ought to be covered by government. Very stressful all round.

Glad to read you have the funding you needed sorted though.

[homedeeth]

Use the term care loosely when it comes to social services and care homes

[gness]

Feet up with coffee after a long drive from Devon and Ummmm made me smile....My mum has rarely been happy but at least she doesn't really know where she is and what is happening to her...she is too far gone for that. At least I won't get a clout around the ear for all of this....that was the usual outcome when she didn't get her way...my fault or not!....☺

I'm sure some do try to do their job and make a difference against all the odds but in this case an answering phone call or email would have been good...not...oh dear, no-one thought to tell you...but heyho...over and done with for the time being.
I think the reason my brother and I have been asked to pay for the move is because the date was given to one of the homes who confirmed it with the other but SS didn't get around to making the arrangements....my humour almost made me turn up with my Ma's old bike.....;-)

I suppose if there is no advantage for the decision makers in helping to provide excellent end of life care then we won't see it, will we?