I Don't Know What Is Wrong With Me?

[Hiway123]

I have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD from being raped by my brother. I am 14 and I argue with myself all the time. Like I'll actually be having a conversation with myself in my head. There's someone inside of me who talks to me and sounds exactly like me that wants me dead. Her name is Kat and she wants me killed because I'm Katie and I'm depressed all the time. Every little thing I do she'll argue with me about. She wants to take over me because she is always happy all the time. I am afraid she will kill me but last time I took over and told someone that I might kill myself I was locked in a hospital for ten days. They put me on anti depressants which is hurting me. Kat likes it. Kat wants to take over and always keeps me locked down inside. I have to try hard to break through. I can't tell anyone because they will surely hospitalize me. What is wrong with me?!

[sandyRoe]

You do need to tell someone so that you can get the help you need.

[msmonkeybird]

I'm sorry to hear about your PTSD and depression, and that you've had such a horrible traumatic experience. It's important to remember that Kat is not a different person, but part of you. You need to get some professional help, quickly. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own. Is there anyone you can trust - a family member or teacher or neighbour you can talk to.

[boxtops]

Hiway, you MUST tell someone. It wouldn't be so bad if you WERE in the hospital for a while - this is not the sort of thing you can cope with on your own. YOu are only 14 - an adult couldn't cope with that. Did you have counselling and support after the rape? - who can you trust to tell?, school nurse, your doctor? It's not a failing to ask for help, and please believe me, what you are feeling is not rare - the professionals will know how to deal with it. Please talk to a nurse or doctor. They'll help - the hospital is not the only solution.

[boxtops]

PS, don't repost now, but if you start any new threads about this, you're better putting them in Health (which is in the Body and Soul section) - people who can advise about Health are more likely to look in there. Keep talking to us.

[Old_Geezer]

Good advice above. The brain is very complex and this Kat really is you, it's just that your brain is disguising thoughts you don't want to have by making them seem to be coming from somene else.

I don't have the expertise to give medical advice but from what you say I think it may be best not to take notice of the the stuff apparently bcoming from Kat.

Do speak to a doctor and get help. It's no shame to admit one needs help, we all do at various times in our lives. It doesn't sound as if you had the help you needed in the past but maybe you need to be open about this since you can not be putting up with it indefinitely. Tackle a bad issue and it may be solved in time.

[Peter Pedant]

I dont think a chatroom is suitable place for the problems you have. You should see someone you have confidence in.

[Peter Pedant]

by the way, what happened to your brother ?

[boxtops]

Peter is right, especially since you are a great deal younger than most of us on here. Please seek professional help.

[beso]

Perhaps whiskeyron and atlanta have led very sheltered lives and think this kind of thing doesn't happen.

Either way their posts could have a very discouraging effect on a person in the situation described by Hiway123. Such answers have no place on this site.

Hiway. You are not the first person this has happened to and certainly won't be the last. Please do get some help from a counselor .

[atalanta]

"Sheltered life" is very very far from what I have experienced. I have been very close to several people who have suffered serious and genuine mental distress. That is one of many reasons I still think this does not ring true. It does, however, strongly resemble some past plots of fiction which I recall reading last century.