Men and alcohol.

[rachela500]

Why does my 32 year old boyfriend insist on staying out as late as possible and drinking as much as possible at the weekend? He acts like he's 18. It's not an alcohol problem as he does not drink in the week. He can't seem to order anything less than a double. I've tried to tell of my concerns of him being attacked when he's staggering home but he thinks i'm overreacting.

[spacechimp]

Do you go out with him?

Try and make sure he eats food with his drink maybe.

[Roughquest]

Hi Rachela500,

I used to be married to someone that did the same thing, but as the time passed he could not go a day without getting bladdered ! We split up because I lost count of the times I had to collect him from the pub or get out of bed the next morning to find him comatosed on our sofa.......i realise now because he had his own business that was very stressful, i think he drank to numb all the stress....i tried to talk things through with him but he kept all this from me, he would not talk to me about his worries and i could not help him and felt helpless. Please try and be calm about this, it is a concern but find out if he has other issues you don't know about maybe? People drink to excess to forget usually instead of facing up to things.

Take care,

RQ xx

[zara 4]

My old man always stops off after work nearly every night he denies it but i'm not stupid and once he start drinking he don't know when to stop.The trouble with men is they mature a lot later than women so they don't know when they should act responsibly,and my old mans 42!

[JustSia]

Sorry but it is an alcohol problem. Just because he doesn't drink during the week or doesn't hide drinks in the toilet and stuff, doesn't mean he has a healthy way of looking at the alcohol. Just ask him a simple question would he be able to go out on the weekend and have as much fun without the drink.

"The accepted clinical definition of binge drinking is a period of continuing intoxication lasting for at least two days during which time the drinker neglects usual responsibilities.

There are also non-medical, non-clinical definitions of what constitutes "binge drinking". It is is sometimes defined as drinking alcohol solely for the purpose of intoxication. Popular press accounts prefer to define it as a man consuming five or more drinks on one "occasion" and a woman consuming four or more drinks on one occasion. However, the so-called "occasion" can extend over an entire 24-hour period."

Am sure there are plenty of excuses, like it's my time off, I can do whatever I want to, I am having fun etc etc. But it is irresponsible, damaging, it obviously stresses you out. Of course it is unhealthy and of course the reason is alcohol.

S.

[DMA]

When u get in your 30s volume becomes more of a problem hence why we go for doubles. Same alcohol as pint but less to drink

[paddy_36]

JustSia, how can you reach the keyboard to type your replies from up there on your high horse?

[noxlumos]

I would imagine that at 32 he can do what he damn well likes can't he?He's a grown up whose free go out on the weekend behaving laddishly and please himself. Different people wind down in different ways, some just chill out in front of the TV and some people party like it's the last day on earth. He's a young man yet and you're a long time dead and I don't doubt if you press him on it he'll get the hump and rightly so.Let the man enjoy himself.Just because someone chooses to drink every weekend does not mean they have an alcohol problem JustSia and trying to pidgeonhole everyone into little boxes is unhelpful both to those with a drink problem and those without.

[JustSia]

Oh, I am sorry! I thought this is where we are meant to express our views and beliefs. You may disagree with them, you may think whatever you want of them. But there is no set rule that you have to take anything said in here on board or act on it. It is merely means of gathering information.

My point was, that in my opinion, OP was wrong to disregard the drink problem. And what ever is happening is obviously a problem since she is so concerned about it, and, no, she is not over-reacting. Fair enough it is up to him what he does. But it certainly doesn�t mean that this is not a harmful behaviour.

Yes, it seems to be a normal weekend pattern for a lot of people in Britain. Binge drinking is part of the culture. But are you so ignorant as to pretend it does not damage people�s health, or carries a risk of being involved in an accident/fight, or affects people�s relationships???

I did not say it was alcoholism. I specifically referred to it as binge drinking and stressed the dangers it carries. I did not tell the OP what to do, nor did I pigeonhole anyone. I expressed my opinion regarding the obvious drinking excess, which anyone in their right mind would know is unhealthy, and hence is problematic.

S.

[morg_monster]

sadly so many blokes act like this! My boyfriend went through a phase of drinking very heavily, with work colleagues, maybe once a week, often without eating first. He's a sensible guy but it goes out the window a bit when he is drinking. Anyway what put a stop to that phase was him waking up in the foyer of a block of flats in Chiswick... he had no idea how he got there and still doesn't. God knows what he could have got up to or what could have been done to him. That really shook him up and he is more sensible now. He still drinks but not to that excess and he makes sure he's in a group with people who keep an eye out for each other.
I hope nothing like this happens to your bf but sometimes it does take something in particular to make them see the error of their ways.
Alternatively maybe he feels the end of his youth is approaching and is desperately trying to hang on to it... maybe he thinks he needs to grow up but is trying to delay things! Do you have kids? Often that seems to put a stop to this kind of behaviour (not that this would be a practical solution!!)

[jno]

people do grow up more slowly these days, reluctant to put childhood behind them. (Calling him a boyfriend at 32 may not help.) He may be an alcoholic as Justsia says, or he may have stresses he's trying to deal with, as Roughquest says. Or he may just be an irresponsible git. You're probably not going to change him (and don't contemplate having children with him), but at some stage, if he doesn't change of his own free will, you may have to decide whether he's what you really want.

[Fish Kid]

Sounds like normal behaviour.

[rachela500]

Thanks for everyones advice. jno I only say 'boyfriend' because we are not married and I don't like saying 'partner' so there are not really any other things I can call him (well, there are plenty I suppose!).

When I say it's not an alcohol problem, I mean he's not an alcoholic, he would be drinking every day it he was.

I don't agree it's normal behaviour for a 32-year-old. It's what you do at 17/18.

Anyway, I guess the answer is, I have to decide what I will put up with from him.

[jno]

yes, sorry rachel, you're quite right, there's no proper word for a 32-year-old lover. Even so, if he's thinking of himself as a boyfriend it's easier for him to think of himself as a boy too.

Alcoholics don't necessarily drink every day; some can control it to some degree. But it does seem he has a drink problem - as you say, he's treating it as if he was a teenager and seems unable or unwilling to stop even when someone he loves asks him to do so.