How Is This Poem So Far? Its Not Done Yet. Just Want To Know How It Reads Up To Now.

[bob68k]

October. Summer's incessant bloom whittles on-
though in the pith of fall, leaves twitch red
through the eddy at eventide.

Once we sat short-sleeved in a river house, lolled
in thought of dreams thick with inspiration.
Inspiration I say, remembering a bloodening sun,
and creation breaking on the mind.

I missed you when you left to gather chrysanthemums,
each morning you'd float their painted tongues in a glass bowl.
There was love and art in saying: "I will be the Picasso of chrysanthemums!"

[TheWinner]

Don't ask for critics to judge your poetry, if it comes from the heart, and it makes you happy, what more could you possibly want? Keep writing...........

[ellzloves1d]

I would try to make it rhyme but other than that its great :-)

[dunnitall]

I prefer rhyming (wish I could spell) pertry but it's okay IMO for what it is. Well you did ask.

[Tilly2]

Don't try to make it rhyme.

[boomster]

Bob, your poem (thus far, lol), is nothing short of fantastic! I really love the way you've made the imagery work for you.
One word I might review is "bloodening" - I prefer "blood red", but that's just nit-picking.
Keep up the great work - you can't leave it unfinished!