Im So Upset

[phleb]

Its my birthday on sunday, and my 2 kids kept nagging there dad to take them to buy me something, I didn't ask for anything.

He said he will go with them if I come, so I said ok, I can shop in primark and you and the kids can go where they want. He said, "i'm not buying you a present, I don't do birthdays, you will only get a card" I said I didn't ask for anything, and you are being really mean to me. Kids said they wanted to buy me flowers and perfume, but he said hes not paying for them, I had money in my purse to give to the kids (only because I didn't want to dishearten them) not because I wanted a present. To be honest since I have met this guy, all my birthdays have been miserable, he always makes me cry the run up to my birthday, he said " its wrong I am asking him for a present" I didn't ask for it!! So that was the icing on the cake today, and I sobbed, I felt a bit sad anyway as work had left me out of the xmas do, I don't know why I wasn't informed of it, or invited, it really upset me. And so I came to a conclusion that I am just not liked by anyone, I don't know what im doing wrong? hubby said to me "get out of my life" I have done so much for him, and now with a new baby on the way, I don't think I can cope with the grief...so im thinking of moving out, but don't know where to start.

It might be a different day tomorrow, but I feel so alone right now. I just turned back and came home, so no one went shopping for my birthday. He kept saying its your last chance, are you coming or not, I ignored him, he said "im not going anywhere tomorrow"

I have 2 kids and another on the way, and today come to he conclusion that he is never going to change, I cant cope with the mental distress of throwing him out, so I am planning to leave myself now.

[daffy654]

His behaviour seems borderline psychopathic (I mean that in the literal sense).

[Brinjal]

Oh phleb how absolutely miserable for you. As hard as it may be you don't need someone in your life that is so unfeeling. As you say you didn't ask for anything and it isn't the present but it is your special day and your children wanted to do something for you and he won't help them. It's just the care and consideration that shows you are special to someone. Try and enjoy your birthday smile don't allow him to make you sad then think about your next move next week. Have a happy birthday tomorrow

[boxtops]

Sound advice here, phleb - don't rise to it tomorrow, don't comment that he's not got you anything (we don't do presents anyway, but I can see he's using this as a tool against you). He sounds horrible, IMO - just enjoy your day as best you can, and don't fret that he's a miserable unkind so and so.

Are you two married, btw, or live-ins?

[boxtops]

... and PS you might want to seek some legal advice before you leave, about the house and arrangements for the children. He's a legal obligation to provide for his kids, until they are 18 - and if you walk out, where will you go - he could argue that you've no right to any part of the value of the house etc, if you just clear off. He would probably be wrong, depends on the circs, but you don't want to give him any extra levers.

[lady-janine]

this is so sad. hope you have a lovely day tomorrow and get some legal advice. x

[2sp_]

If you really intend to leave him, then you need to figure out an escape plan. If he has been violent in the past, you need to make sure that you can get away safely.

Do you have access to your own money? You should start hiding away some to help you go. But please be careful, he might not like it if he finds out that you plan on leaving him.

Do you have family or friends that can help?

[ladybirder]

phleb has had all this same advice earlier this year from the likes of barmaid etc and myself and others but it seems she did nothing about it.

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question1225644.html

Now she is in the same position again but with a baby on the way.

Phleb your life sounds miserable, why didn't you get out after seeking and getting good advice in March? And why get pregnant again? I do sympathise, honestly I do, but I despair of you doing anything about it. Only one life phleb, make yours better before it's too late.

[anneasquith]

your domestic situation is bad for you/ your baby. and your children. get in touch with womens aid, even if its just to talk to someone. im sure your think he will changes, but he wont.

[waterboatman]

Phleb you need to get rid of this bullying moron. you need to talk to someone and get help to get him out of your life. Why should you move? You can get help. There are several agencies that can help. CAB or even the police if he has been violent towards you. Mental cruelty is grounds for divorce. Physical violence is grounds to involve the police. You must do something for your children's sake as well as your own.