Husband And Wife
The husband was furious when he found out their bank account was empty.
When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn."
"What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband.
"In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."
"Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the, suspicious wife demanded.
"No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking off my shirt."
"Your Honour, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."
"Mr. Smith," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving 65 mph."
A man was visiting his elderly neighbour and was given a tour of his home.
In the study was a stuffed lion. The neighbour asked, "When did you bag him?"
The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbour.
"My ex-wife," replied the old man.