One step forward and two back

[Bowieblue]

Early December I found out my partner of five years had been seeing someone else for a year without my knowledge. I expect you would say 'surely you noticed things' - yes I did, and I confronted him and asked him if there was someone else in his life. He denied it and kept seeing me although obviously more distant. OK - it is hard that he prefers someone else, but with his lying and deceit for twelve months, which I find harder to accept, I get really cross with myself for thinking about him still etc. anyone have any good ways to get him and his influences out of my head and move on without sliding back all the time?

[Tock389]

I've been in a very similar situation. In May 2004, I suspected my girlfriend of 18 months was seeing someone else. I rang up my best friend for some advice - he was on a stag weekend at the time - he said I was probably being silly. About a month later, my girlfriend told me she had been seeing him- the pair of them were in fact on their own dirty weekend, and not a stag weekend as he told me- she was listening in all the time.

Needless to say, it was a huge kick in the teeth. In order to get over it, I made myself busy and did things that got me into contact with others- clubs, sports etc,

It takes time, though- don't jump into a relationship with someone else- when you're ready to move on, you will know.

Hope this helps!

[Lonnie]

I can symathise with your situation Bowieblue, but from long years of experience, those old sayings, 'Once a cheater, always a cheater', and ' a Leopard never changes its spots', are true, You really have to move on, if you can, and good luck for the future.

[teag1rl]

Tocks advice is good. Keep busy, get into new sports or clubs. Good luck

[raysparx]

Hi Bowieblue My sister has just gone through the same sort of thing,and it is crap, I am a man and it annoys me that a lot of men mess about with peoples emotions like this, obviously it will take time to get over the hurt of being betrayed, but this bloke is NOT worthy of the love you have to give, I know it will be hard but you sound like a lovely lady to me and far to good for this idiot.

I can only wish you Love,Happines and hope for the future,we aren't all like that Ray xx

[JoCannon]

Bowieblue, chin up chick x

Join a gym, it will get you out of the house, away from memories, it will keep you motivated, you will have more energy and you will end up feeling a lot better about yourself with all those endorphins running about your body.

If the gym has classes even better, book yourself into a load, you will regularly have to be somewhere at a specific time which stops you from thinking about him.

Ray you sound like a really nice guy - but sadly it's not just men who are leopards. I am a woman and recently had to re-assess some of my loyalties as a friend, there are pleanty of women out there who trample over other peoples feelings too...In the case of Bowieblue, there was another woman involved too, she probabaly knew what was going on, did she consider anyone elses feelings other than her own?

I can only hope and pray the good ones out there end up with the other respective good ones!!

[Bowieblue]

Thanks for your replies. Time will make things easier and I couldn't even begin to think about getting emotionally involved with someone else at the moment even when I feel really lonely inside. For years he told me I was what he wanted and couldnt see a future without me! I totally trusted him. I couldnt even speak to him now though. Life is so wierd.

[encee]

I REALLY DO FEEL FOR YOU..I went through exactly the same..i wish you luck.just remember there is light at the end of the tunnel.keep your chin up.thing can only get better.all i can advise is that TIME is the great healer and friends and family

[encee]

also just remember the person you fell in love with,,no longer exists.that person has changed.i do hope this will help.concentrate on your friends.when my husband found someone else after 12 years i found it really hard to cope.i lost a lot of weight.it took me a while.i got myself a fulltime job and plenty to think about.i did keep thinking about him.because 12 years is a long time.its a way of life which gradually has to change.but i promise it does get better.i married for a second time and this time its for keeps.i just say that the first time was a trial run