Feeling Punny?

[marval]

What do you call a musician who steals sheet music? A clef-to maniac.

An instructor at an ice cream parlour is a sundae school teacher.

I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed such a callus attitude.

I have invented crockery that comes to me when I whistle. My cup runneth over.

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

The electrician worked hard to get in shape so he could perform with Circuit Soleil.

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.

My father slept under the bed, I think he was a little potty.

Back in the days when the guillotine was first used, people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?

During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay.

The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.

I opened a shop selling budgerigars. They're flying off the shelves.

I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbour, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed.

The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people.

A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.

The Chinese chef maliciously dumped a hot broth with dumplings on an obnoxious customer. It was a wanton soup attack.

[emmie]

The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on a prenutshell agreement.

[Psybbo]

Clever LOL

[emmie]

love this.

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. Soon the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why," one asked.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[emmie]

some funny ones on here, i love puns

http://distractify.com/fun/humor/horrifyingly-cringeworthy-puns/

[marval]

Thank you for the puns and link emmie.

[zebo]

The shoemaker may give his awl but it wont last, the apprentice is as hard as nails.