Some Highbrow Internet Humor

[moonraker558]

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Anymore?

[choux]

The judge made the snout's words into a sentence.

[emmie]

where there's a will, there's a way out.

[jno]

people who jump into the river in Paris must be in Seine.

[choux]

The DJ who played only sad songs until 3 a.m. was accused of being disconsolate.

[excelsior-1]

sitting under the canvas on a camping site is classed as 'loitering within tent'

[jno]

Losing a husband can be hard.  In my case it was almost impossible.

[stewey]

Time flies like an arrow: fruit flies like a banana.

[jno]

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

[emmie]

scrambled eggs, that's no yolk

[Everhelpful]

Is that a Mirage or am I seeing things?

[Everhelpful]

Does the name "Quasimodo" ring a bell?

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Eric Bristow was mugged today. The robber took flight.

[maggiebee]

I originally put this in jokes...............

I tried to catch some fog. I mist

When chemists die, they barium

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it

This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery

I didn’t like my beard at first then it grew on me

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble

Broken pencils are pointless

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

This site needs a thumbs up thingy for the post and maggie's answer