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The Kitchen Terrorist

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DTCwordfan | 19:22 Fri 07th Mar 2014 | ChatterBank
36 Answers
After several incidents of raw food being served, esp chicken, cat food served as paté, weird salads and all the rest, I have completely taken over the cooking from the mater.

However, I now have a new chapter for my book, the chapter titled ‘The Kitchen Terrorist’

Activities to expand on include:

• Removing dishes from the Aga after I have put them in to cook
• Switching the cooking dishes and the plates (in the bottom to warm up around)
• Concealment of dishes and ingredients in bizarre locations
• Leftovers not properly stored or misplaced
• Hiding of utensils and knives
• Cursory wiping with a filthy rag for so-called washing up
• No washing up liquid used
• Using human plates to feed the animals
• Opening can after can – esp animal food, then hiding it
• I say “I am cooking dinner” and then she goes and starts/opens something else targeted for another meal
• A complete lack of fridge management
• Ditto the recycling to the point that one thinks its deliberately mucked up

I haven't included how we had 36 boxes of cereal at one time, never mind twenty five tommie ks, and enough nutrella and mayo to keep a camp going. Then there was the cheap wine.

And tonight, turning down the aga so low that there’s little heat in there or the water. And after I had made my new creation Ukraine Kievs, Chicken stuffed with butter and Russian-bits spices/herbs.

Do you have, or had, a kitchen terrorist?– who, why and stories please.
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Question Author
and on Monday afternoon, sloopy?
Brother has a spare set, and I have s set as does Mr Nungate and Queenie,

Our other food terrorist is our cat Teddy, I like to leave a bowl of fruit on the coffee table to pick at (better than sweeties) until Teddy who likes lying on tables, decided to nibble on the fruit - found him the other day nibbling his way through a lovely bunch of grapes - they had to be tossed and fruit will now be kept in the fridge!
to be fair, Wednesday/Thursday's usually crunch point
o, and the permacrust of toast crumbs on the flaming butter drives me nuts
Question Author
Had a dog, a Labradoodle, that had a weakness for fruit, especially watermelon (used to go nuts for that), but also apples and grapes (grapes need to be policed as the skins are like choc and toms, I believe). She had a major weakness for mac cheese too.
nightmares, nightmares, anything I've had to cope with is becoming insignificant.

hiding polystyrene boxes in the oven and then turning it on.
feeding the dog from her plate when we are sat at the table.
cutting up raw meat for the dog and then putting cakes on the same plate, unwashed of course.
using milk for tea that would be more suitable for curd cheese and saying there is nothing wrong with it.
cooking mince until it goes grey. i still refuse to eat mince unless i have made it myself. even then once a year is too often.
all meat cooked leather bucket hard and dry whatever it was.

but enough is enough. i could go on but you are the winner DTC.
Question Author
that's running close, Lady J.....I can sympathise with the grrrrrrrrr feeling. What do they say about patience being a virtue?
don't forget the rest of that saying DTC. i don't think either of us have much of a chance.

it does colour your outlook on life though. not only regarding the mince but i also refuse to have animals in the house. i did have a couple of goldfish once but that was the limit. they were called pyramus and thisbe.
Question Author
the next dog in my life will be called 'Useless.' Okay, not original if you remember 'Monarch of the Glen' but a brilliant name for a dog......and folk think you are calling it 'Eustace.'
or even useless eustace.
time for me to go and do other things. enjoy your drink you deserve it.
OH opened a tin of sardines, then poured the oil into a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. He thought he had been vey clever saving the oil. I was not pleased.
One of my recent ones (not my house)- a jumper put into the oven to warm it up. Had been switched on too, but not sure for how long...
Since Mr S retired he's become a kitchen nuisance as opposed to a terrorist.
He's forever moving stuff around in the pantry ,tidying the tins ,rearranging the fridge , hanging about while I'm cooking .I wish he'd take up golf or something :)
Question Author
lots of laughs here....best answer will be interesting to choose.
you should choose your own first post as best answer DTC. my full sympathies to you.

btw p&t died about a year after we moved here.

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