Oh Dear
Patrick and Mary, being good Irish Catholics, had so many children that they didn't know what to do.
Patrick says to Mary, "I think we need to get some advice from the parish priest. We can't keep on with any more children."
So they went to see the priest and the priest says to them, "You know the church only allows two ways to limit the little ones. One is to abstain altogether and the other is the rhythm method."
Patrick scratches his head and says, "Well, now, Father, how am I going to find a band at 11o'clock in the morning?"
A Jewish guy's mother gave him two sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one.
As he walked into the house, his mother frowned and said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
The young man from Alabama came running into the store and said to his buddy.
"Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."