Cor Blimey. I Have Just Been Out In The Garden

[Tilly2]

with Tilly. It's flippin' freezing!

[Tilly2]

My hedgehogs are not around at the moment, It's ages since I had to go out and tell Tilly off for dancing around them.

[Arksided]

It wasn't my plant-pot, that he was nesting behind.

[Tilly2]

Well, Arksided, whose plant pot was it? Not your neighbours, I hope!

[Arksided]

I was at one of my younger Bro's ... should let him know that a gang of snails are heading his way.

[Tilly2]

It's ok, Arksided. They won't get there for months yet. Don't fret.

[Arksided]

I wouldn't let on anyway ;-)

[Tilly2]

Make your mind up, Arksided. Either you will tell him, or you won't. Ypou could tell him one word at a time. One word each week. There...is...a...snail...approaching...your ...plant...pots.

Eight weeks, you've got.

[DTCwordfan]

The Bard must tell a ridiculous tale
Of a sloth, a hedgehog and a snail.
On an AB trip they departed
When their deck ripped and farted!
They’d set sail in a gale on a wharton whale!

Our slow Cor Blimey heroes, they gripped hold the blowhole
When from it exploded an Arksided mole.
He said “Ticket’s please,
And try not to sneeze,
This Tilly is out of control”

Ann's hedgehog was the one with the cash
(and the fleas, and the bangers and mash)
“Take a note from my tony spines
You tight fisted swines”
But the sloth just greased up his shoota moustache.

Cried the snail “Are you using my slime?!”
Replied Bard's sloth “Yes, I have for some time,
This beautiful gum
That comes from your bum
‘S how I keep wrinkle-free, in my ratter prime.”

Said the mole “Look I really don’t care
What a Bard sloth puts into his hair.
I’m Ed's conductor here
So I’ll make it quite clear.
Either pay or you don’t get a chair.”

Screamed the three “You’re a gromit capitalist ***!”
But quite slowly (as OG noted before).
“All property’s theft”
Shouted sloth from the mikey left
Said the snail “Yes, and up with AOG's class war”

But hedgehog suddenly recollected
How the others, his cash had collected.
“It’s alright for you
With not a Mrs O bean or a sherrard shoe,
But I’m alright jack o hat”. She defected!

So the mole baton-charged with hedgehog.
Into sloth and to snail they did snog,
And they kettled the twos
When a boaty vendor of news
Wandered past having drunk too much grog.

Now they say it was just accident
That the vendor’s short life they did dent,
But the sloth and the snail
They did moan and did wail
And occupied wharton whale’s tail with a tent.

What they wished to achieve they knew not,
They just knew that they must cleanse the ratter rot,
But in this Psybbo bizarreness
The whale’s not the harness,
And it’s the whale that is sick, not the grasscarp pilot.

So as they continued to sloopy sail,
To the Guardian did they write, and the Wail
Two sides but same coin
And both from Goodlife’s groin,
Spouting guff as our whale grew more pale.

And now storm clouds began to draw near
Mole and hedgehog, from high ground, did they sneer,
And the greenie's climate did change,
And sloth’s hair got the prudie mange,
And tent life needed gness's wet-weather gear.

But our whale he was was losing weight fast
And no longer a naval gymnast
He rolled onto his side
‘No hedgehog and mole died
But sloth and snail, they survived by bernie's contrast!

They sailed on in the tent that was Peter's home,
Riding the Jim physics' waves and the marval foam
But they’d nothing to eat
‘Cos the eccles' mash and the meat
Was all stored in the dead hedgehog’s comb.

So the sloth ate the snail in his shell
With one swallow a great wave did propel
The last mote down his cloverjo throat
And threw sloth out the sloopu boat.
So the last of crew went to SAB hell.

So dear ABers please remember this tale
Of sloth, snail, mole, hedgehog and the whale.
‘Cos the world’s out of luck
And we’re totally fukt:
With compliments, we pass you our epic fail!

[Tilly2]

Goodness, DT. That was a supreme effort. Well done!

[Tilly2]

It's still cold outside.