Hate And Forgiveness

[ck1]

People go through really traumatic experiences, family killed by drunk drivers for example. Sometimes the relatives say they forgive the culprits and hold no bad feelings towards them. Is this really possible? It's great to say you aren't going to let yourself be ruled by hate but is it really possible to just switch those feelings off and move on?

[jackthehat]

I'm not sure I could manage it, but I have to believe those who say they have.

[rockyracoon]

I'm not sure if I could but do know that forgiveness (on a smaller scale than suggested) releases a massive load from your shoulders.

Perhaps it's the only way some bereaved can move forward and have a healthy life.

[The Builder]

I think, sometimes, you have to forgive for the sake of your own sanity. As in this remarkable story....

http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/450729/Colin-Firth-plays-railway-prisoner-of-war-Eric-Lomax-who-forgave-Japanese-torturer

[andy-hughes]

There are twin factors that influence every aspect of your life - they are situations, and the way you deal with them.

The first is something over which you have no control, the second is something over which you have variable control.

The first is constant for everyone, the second is variable for everyone.

So people encounter situations, and deal with them in the way that allows them to assimilate the situations' effects into their lives, and live with them.

Because we are all unique, no two people are ever going to approach a given situation in the same way.

This means that some peoples' responses seem utterly alien to others - such as the forgiveness of actions by others.

So although i don't believe it is possible to 'switch those feelings off', I believe it is possible to treat them in such a way that they no longer occupy centre strage in an individual's existence.

Noit everyone can do this, but some can, and good luck to them.

[rockyracoon]

"So although i don't believe it is possible to 'switch those feelings off', I believe it is possible to treat them in such a way that they no longer occupy centre strage in an individual's existence. "

I was wanting to say this but couldn't put it into words.

[Old_Geezer]

It is possible, but it has to be rare to do so easily and immediately. It comes from accepting that no amount of hate is helping you, in fact it is most likely damaging you, and that one has to accept what one can not change. It likely comes from gradual shifting of one's position, confirming to oneself that one will not feed the hate each time the mind brings it to the fore, but accept it was how one felt, but one is moving on. good for anyone who can decide that and implement it with immediate affect, for most it has to be a gradual process. Of course it comes more easily if your life has formed your personality to not brood and fume over past events but when forgiveness has become a natural thing. Otherwise, give it lots of time and work to achieve it.

[black_cat51]

i don't think switch them off is the way to put it. More like let them go

[kvalidir]

Whilst I never let anything trivial dwell on my mind because that's an absolute waste of my time, but something serious and I think I would have to do something to even things up before I could rest because I am quite revengeful if someone hurts anyone I love, unless of course it's a genuine accident. So if someone accidentally ran someone over, I could let that go reasonably easily but if someone killed someone I love intentionally then they had better know somewhere pretty good to hide because I would find them and even things out.

[chilli]

i would never forgive them - ever

[Daffy6543]

I never forgave my mum for the horrible upbringing I had, I only went to her funeral this past March to make sure the old hag was definitely dead.

[kvalidir]

That's why my Dad sometimes visits his father's grave Daffy- to make sure he's still there :(

[silliemillie]

I think although you can never really forgive, you have to let it go before it becomes totally consuming.

Sara Payne springs to mind, after the tragic death of little Sarah, the mother has spent every waking moment on campaigns, interviews ect, she has other children who must have missed out and her marriage broke up.

[tonyav]

Doubt if I could, but hats off to those that can.

[rockyracoon]

But at least she had a purpose Silliemillie, she used her anger to fuel the campaign for Sarah's Law.

[pixie373]

I hope i wouldn't hate forever- it would be so all- consuming. I could forgive someone who did something to me, probably. But if it was to family or friends, I'm not sure it's my place to forgive them.

[silliemillie]

Rocky, yes I do agree, something good has come out of it, but other areas of her life have suffered, I am just using her as an example anyway, there are plenty more out there.

[rockyracoon]

Her marriage may have broke up anyway regardless of her campaigning and no one knows if her other children missed out on anything.

[China Doll]

I don't think I could, I'm not that good a person, but I do agree that it may be best way and I admire those who can.