Monday Pm/evening Madness: The Edinburgh Shed Horse Race

[DTCwordfan]

The CCTV cameras were rolling, chilldoubt commentating, footage passed to the National AB Commscentre in Kettering, Answerbank all-a-quiver to the prospect of the Owdhamer Steaks, the feature race of the Minty Lothian Racecourse, an event that exceeded anything that Ascot & Aintree could muster.

The cameras panned the expectant crowd; there was ummm in chiffon, a ‘Sqad I love you’ sticker on her chest, a pink fascinator on her head, partly reduced by one of ratter’s alapacas having had a nibble.

There too was mikey, AOG and gromit, bedecked in morning suits, resplendent with their red, blue and white, and yellow corsages shining in the late afternoon Edinburgh sunshine.

Picture mazie, slinkykate, albs (decked out in green)all looking on, sunnydave pretending to be a tv tower whilst trussed up like a Matthews turkey in his blue morning suit, topper in his hand. And mooney and ttfn in a state of dishevelment, so too Queenie and bf and as for tinks…..pixie, the journalist turning this vista into some porn story and peas, doing what peas does, yoga just contemplating life.

The venue, Minty’s garden, the track from the infamous shed, down the winding lawns, around the tight dogleg that made the Canal Turn look like a motorway bend, over the front lawn, missing the azaleas and rhodos for a quick sprint down her road, taking on the Belhaven turn and back up again, three laps of the circuit to win the Owdhamer Gold Cup.

There are the support staff, Stokemaveric ready to post the odds, Psybbs the Honourable Speaker/Starter, Boaty as Course Marshall, Steward & Barge control, elina running catering with nungate and Maggiebee helping out, Ed and Boo as course rules moderators.

There are Nom, Eccles and Voddy already sloshed on the Heidsieck champagne 1990 that Buenchico had kindly donated. Mamya is dishing out sympathy whilst China Doll and JTH tell them to get a grip on themselves, Eccles not even able to hold a cake.

The course medic there of course, twenty pounds of Ibuprofen and Spanish Fly at the ready, and that was just for the ‘horses’ – Sqad attired in silk lingerie, grace of mrs S, her ladyfriends and various anon AB women not forgetting Prudie, Pasta and Boxie, a most delight puce camisole being centre-piece on him, not forgetting the red ball-gag.

The Zacs bets were flying; odds changing by the hour as Mrs Overall took the money in, applying a cheap 15% surcharge for a Yorkshire woman working away from home, a mug of steaming The Builder’s tea next to her, infused with nettles and marigolds.

The tension was climbing, the runners brought out of the stable to a fanfare of trumpet blowing provided free of charge by HM’s 1st Company of Stewart Mounties, koala & beer entertainment from royinaus.

Out came the form led by Horsehoes, making a quick circle of the inner-ring, considered to be very cliquey by some, the betting slips now snowing mrs stokie under.

[DTCwordfan]

(so shocking that thought, that even my English slipped, delight instead of delightful).

[Baldric]

Fell over the first?

[tonyav]

Probably, Baldric.

[berniecuddles]

i got as far as "there off" then couldn't help myself..!!

[tonyav]

LOL.

[DTCwordfan]

didn't know that Minty has a 'Mannequin Pis' fountain as her first hurdle....no wonder there are so many falling.........especially is it is pishing purple or green pee.

[DTCwordfan]

you had a 'ealthy lead there, bernie.....mrs c hadn't caught you - yet.

[berniecuddles]

i'm told i beat the all comers record for what its worth..!

[DTCwordfan]

by how many inches?

[DTCwordfan]

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question1345990-3.html