Have You Ever

[phleb]

felt inadequate, stupid and a spare part. I do.

[sherrardk]

You can't win either way. If you want to go to your mum's but a sibling is there then just don't take what is said to heart, nod, smile, grind your teeth and then go home and enjoy spending time with your family.

[phleb]

I need to man up, dont i? i can back off and leave them to their own devices, but then if one of them gets ill, i feel bad. Just like the brother had a heart attack earlier this year, he had been really mean to me, and i still felt bad and visited him every day. I wish i hadnt!!

[ummmm]

Like the saying goes....you can chose your friends. Don't feel obliged to stick by your family. I don't speak to my sister, it's not an issue, I'm happier without her negativity x

[sherrardk]

Phleb, I don't speak to my twin (she turned into my mother after she died), my step dad is remarried and things have fine from family to old family friend (it's a bit odd) and I speak to my other half siblings by occasional text or via FB (mainly liking photos, etc). My two aunts don't bother anymore. We also don't speak to himself's father or sister (and her family). I expect we sound like a right bunch of anti-social fruit loops but I have never been happier, no expectations, no justifying things or pretending to be something you're not, x

[phleb]

truth is, brothers are unhappy in their marriages, sister is separated, and another sister has her own issues. I am the only one that is stable. I don't discuss my problems with them. They go on about theirs all the time, if one talks about me, one will sure to come and tell me and stir it, i wont do that with any of them.

[sherrardk]

Next time they start just say you're not interested and say it to all of them that come telling tales.

[phleb]

"no expectations, no justifying things or pretending to be something you're not"

Sherrard, that is exactly what i have been doing for the past god knows how long!

[boxtops]

"brothers are unhappy in their marriages, sister is separated, and another sister has her own issues. I am the only one that is stable"

Then phleb, it sounds not too far from the truth that they ARE envious of your happy family, and can't stand to see it. It's their problem, NOT YOURS. You can't be at everyone's beck and call, and you giving in to them is doing you no good at all (and setting a bad example to your little 'uns, by the way, with Mum running when everyone else calls).

Shut your ears, shut your doors - see your Mum, just say a lot of "yes dear" if you have to speak to the moaners. Live your own life - you can't live their lives, or make theirs better. Only they can do that.

[sherrardk]

Bit difficult to get away from though, isn't it? I moved away at 18 but my mother still had a hold on me, if I had seen her a couple of times a week I would have been a basket case. Not helpful, but I have no idea how you can get out of the vicious circle, hope you think of something - you'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you do - although I obviously don't wish any of your family dead :(

[phleb]

Boxtops, i agree with you. X

[ummmm]

That's my sisters problem. She can't bare the fact that I'm happy. I know this will sound bad but she almost wallowed (is that the right word?) when my dad was dying just to see me so sad.

My kids still see her though and I still see hers.

[phleb]

ummmm, i think that is my sisters' problem too. My hubby doesn't like her coming to mine too often, he doesn't like gossip, and he hears her going on about the other siblings and it winds him. If i don't go to mums for more than 2 days, i get texts like 'mum was asking why u haven't been round?' uses mum to make me feel bad. I am so angry with them, and to be honest i would be happier if i kept away from them all.