Sleeping together ~ viewpoints please!

[Suppressed]

Hey, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for two years now. We are both Christians, however we have had sex after a lot of thought and the decision that we felt ready for it. We've been having sex for over a year now. Anyway, neither of our parents are aware that we are having sex. I don't think my parents would have a problem with it (they are not Christians), however my boyfriend's probably would (his Mother is very much a Christian). His Mum claims he is "old enough to make his own decision but he should make the right decision and if he really loves me he would wait etc". Anyway we are due to go on holiday to France in June with my parents. They have booked a double room for them and a twin room for us (however they assume we will not be having sex). My boyfriends parents however think it will be me and my mum sharing and my boyfriend and my step-dad sharing. They have asked manier times what is the case regarding rooms. My boyfriend and I really want to share a room, but how do we let his parents know this. They have said at the end of the day it is his decision but make it clear they would prefer us not to share. Sorry this is lengthy, but all answers will be appreciative. Thanks.

[hal]

I am not sure what country you live in - but if its UK then your boyfriend is legally an adult and can do as he pleases. In the end its up to him what he says to his parents. If it was me I wouldn't say anything about the sleeping arangements.

[noxlumos]

Hi, Your boyfriend is an adult and entitled to make his own decisions. Being a Christian is supposed to be about joy and realisation I thought, not about keeping people who are in love out of each other's beds. His mum I think is confused and mistakes her fervour for her faith with proving it by being physically penitant. There is as far as I can see nothing to stop anyone being a good christian and also having sex. He needs to assert himself a little and cut the apron strings in the pleasantest way possible before his joy for his religion turns into a millstone for him, thrust upon him by those who think that to be devout is not to live.I would have no problems with my 16 or 18 year old child sleeping with their partner.

[mkt]

i would say that hopefully due to the fact you've been together for some time his parents are able to see how committed you are to each other and also how happy you make each other. You are both legally old enough to make this choice and i would say to just be honest and if necessary reassure them that you are careful as this may also be one of their concerns. My parents are also christians and i was so nervous the first time i had to tell them that my boyfriend and i were going away together even though we too had been sleeping together for some time. To my surprise they were very cool about it and were glad that i was honest rather than pretending he was going to be sleeping on the balcony or something!! lol. Ultimately you both know you are ready to be in this physical relationship and both your parents should be able to think back to when they were in this situation

[dancealot13]

Im 24, and not really christian per-say, but I don't think religion has that much to do with it really. It comes down to being 16 and in the presence of your parents. I come from a family of hippy's, and partiers, but I know very well that when I was 16 I would never disrespect my parents or make them feel uncomfortable by sleeping in the same bed with my boyfriend when Im on vacation, especially because they are trusting in you to sleep in separate beds. I know that you are ready and mature enough for that, but don't you think its a bit disrespectful when they are taking you on a trip to France?

I totally feel for you 100%, and we all do things like that. But it would be nice to think of your parents and his parents feelings as well. Plus if the rooms are next to eachother which they probably are, you would risk your mom or someone nocking on the door while you're in the middle of it? That's not a good feeling, trust me. I think, have fun and play together, but becareful with going to far in the presence of your parents. I think thats a responsible way to handle it, and at the same time you're still abiding by his parents rules somewhat. cheers

[kilkenny]

Call me old fashioned but at sixteen no daughter of mine woyuld be sleeping with her boyfirend under the same roof as me.

Old fashioned I know but whatever happend to standards of conduct in front of ones parents

[Suppressed]

Thanks for the views, they were very varied! kilkenny - Its not that my mum disapproves of sex at my age, and i do feel ready and am in a stable relationship. However, my boyfriends parents see it as a sin to have sex before marriage. But, times have changed, and I was interested with noxlumos answer. I thought that summed things up quite well. Hal, I agree it's up to him what he says, let's just hope they accept it! Mkt, thanks for what you said, I hope his parents act similarly! Finally, dancealot13, I like the idea of respecting them and their actions, and I can understand what you are saying. Sharing a room will not necessarily mean we will be having sex, but it leaves it open - which is what we're hoping for. Thanks again. Please keep posting, I enjoy reading different people's views.

[meltoadhall]

being a practising christian, I cannot condone sex before marriage - and no I'm not an old fogey. I also believe that 16 is too young to be having sex and would not allow any of my daughters to sleep with their boyfriend under my roof.

I hope that as my girls grow in the christian faith that they and any prospective boyfriend will have enough respect and restraint to be able to wait.

as for going on holiday with your parents I can fully understand their point of view, I still feel uncomfortable having sex with parents in the house and I've been married for 16 years.

[meltoadhall]

just noticed that you say that youve been having sex for over a year. If so that would make you 15 and that is illegal!!!!!!!!! Your boyfriend could go to prison if your parents or anyone else wanted to make an issue of it.

[metagirl]

When I was 22 dating my 19 year old boyfriend (i know - cradle robber!) and visited him, I had to sleep in the basement! It annoyed me but I had to respect his mother's wishes.

I say you should convince your parents to hire two separate twin rooms - and in the middle of the night sneak out and jump into the other's bed!

i believe there is no point in trying to persuade his parents into thinking differently about pre-marital sex (its not gonna happen!) so just try to live your lives as respectfully and RESPONSIBLY as possible. You'll really be screwed if you fall pregnant.

Have a lovely holiday!

[Coobeastie]

Think you really should tell his parents as this could come out at a later date and complicate relations between both your families. Either that or get two singles. Its not going to be much of a holiday if your mum and setpdad can't be in the same room as eachother.

meltoadhall...16 is a perfectly fine age to start a sexual relationship, I know times have changed but if you go back a few centuries this would have been nearing middleaged.

[jno]

I don't want to be a wet blanket, but there was some medical research quite a few years ago that seemed to suggest there was a link between early sex and cervical cancer. It was something to do with irritating immature vaginal cells. ('Immature' in this sense doesn't mean before puberty; it seems the cells may not settle down for some time after that.) I read about it in a respectable journal - can't remember which - but when I tried googling it now I haven't been able to find anything confirming this, except in conservative political or religious websites (not only Christian) that I wouldn't entirely trust to be free of bias. So I can't confirm that what I've said still represents current medical thinking.

I realise that your question was more about etiquette than medical matters; but it might perhaps be an idea to ask a doctor you trust what the latest thinking is on this.

(Incidentally, regarding Coobeastie's post, I think sexual activity centuries ago usually started much later; girls didn't reach puberty until their late teens, probably because of the less nutritious diet in those days.)

As far as the etiquette issue goes... I think as long as you're under your parents' roof (and this includes holidays they're paying for) you should try to observe their rules, even if you disagree with them. I also know this isn't always easy. Good luck.