I've Come On Here For A Rant..

[Jeza]

Only because I have no one else to use as a sounding board. Mic has been a real *** today. Told me to F off at least half a dozen times, spat his food out, tried to bite me, the list goes on. I told him I'm not putting up with this from him so I'm going out. I didn't go out just sat on the step and wondered where my life was going. When I was on the step he was calling me all the time then he started to cry. I went back in and he told me how sorry he was. We had tea and cake and then he had a nap. When he woke he was again abusive. I said I thought you were sorry he said F off.

So I'm playing this song for me. Thanks for listening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzpb3TC-Vxk

[quinie]

Jeza, I can guess how you feel that you can't let Mic down,but you must have respite now and again to re-charge your batteries. A friend, who was devoted to her husband and was suffering what you're going through now, finally had to put him in for respite.She hated doing it and felt she was letting him down but realizes now it had to be done. I admire you for all the loving care you give Mic but do look after yourself too.

[DTCwordfan]

there's an awful lot of common sense on here, jeza....think hard about it and I hope that you come up with the right decision. Ceding a little on your part may make the battle more winnable, particularly for you.

Thomas Paine is on TV, let me make one quote:

“A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason.”

― Thomas Paine, Common Sense

A different context yes but there are some strong parallels........

[Sycamore3House]

http://www.crossroadscare-sc.org/home-respite/

My MiL used this organisation in South Wales she had an afternoon off each week. It really helped her. After 5 years she had to break her promise & her mother went into a home. The caring almost killed her. Her Mother lived quite happily for another 7 years oblivious to everything.

[brenda]

jeza--I was in your position about 8 years ago, looking after my OH.At the time i was reasonably fit and self confident enough to think I could do it all myself.
I carried on just as you are now dealing with everything .One night I went to bed, and during the night I had a minor stroke.The next day I was in a total mess I couldn't even get myself out of bed.The whole thing was surreal I knew what I should be doing but could not do any of it.I was absolutely terrified for us both.
We were rescued by my neighbour who had noticed I was not about and she let herself in to see if we were OK.
The paramedics came, I ended up in hospital where i remained for several weeks learning basic things like how to walk and stand up unsupported.My OH was taken into our local care home which has a nursing aspect also.It was 2 months before I saw him again.
I returned home to an empty house and realised at that point just how badly
i had got things wrong.We are still in the same position today, except that I now visit my OH daily and then go home to live some sort of life myself.
I know that I shall never be able to care for my OH at home again due to his worsening condition and my own physical weaknesses.
Do I blame myself ? Yes I do to a large extent, because of my determination to it myself because I loved him so much.
Jeza I have not recounted all of this to frighten you in any way, but to pray that you will at least seriously consider seeking help and some respite for yourself. Sincerely Brenda.

[Tilly2]

Will Mic know if you break your promise, jeza? I doubt it very much. I know you will know that you have, but sometimes we have to be true to ourselves.

[Jeza]

Or true to your vows Tilly. 'In sickness and in health'
Yes he would know, every time I have to go out shopping he thinks I've abandoned him.

[tamborine]

You know Mic's frustration brings on his temper & the poor man feels so helpless. My OH always slept when I put food in front of him. He would wake at silly oclock to heat his food, burn pans, drop boiling soup on himself & almost set kitchen alight. If I went out I would ring home before returning, to check he hadnt burned the house down. Probably why I keep owl times now.

Keep strong Jeza, you know Mic is lost without you x

[RATTER15]

Jeza, if you were to chose the right home then they would be used to it and accept that kind of behaviour.

When we get new staff start, I explain to them... you will get spat at, you will get called dreadful names, you will get groped and slapped, accept it and understand what is behind the reason for these actions, you can explain calmly that such actions are not tolerated and is unacceptable but that is really about all you can do.... if you cant handle that then this job is not for you!

Generally speaking it works, the people that are offended by this type of behaviour don't last very long.

There is absolutely nothing that any resident can say or do that will faze me in the least, water off a ducks back.

I sympathise with Jeza, it must be so more difficult when it concerns a family member and you cant just swap staff.

Jeza, if mic is just having "off days" when you get these problems have you considered talking to your GP about medication to help calm him.

I am not talking about zonking him out, more to just settle these patterns of behaviour, there are some really good drugs out there now, some work for some people some dont. Maybe worth a chat.

[Jeza]

Thanks for your understanding Ratter. I will speak to Mic's GP about his off days, but the main man there is not sympathetic, I will try to speak to a different one but he always appears to take charge whom so ever you speak to.

[ladyalex]

Just wanted to send you my best, Jeza.
I cannot add anything much to what has already been said by others on this thread but L ike them, I do feel for you and hope that you can get some respite that will satisfy both your physical and emotional needs .
:-)

[Mamyalynne]

I can add no more than the wonderful advice given by others - I know what it's like as do so many here.


When I cast my mind back, I really don't know how I coped, so I feel for you from my heart. x

[237SJ]

My uncle ,






























All I will say is that last week my uncle said to me "Everyone is entitled to a life". That really made me think.

[237SJ]

Sorry, don`t know what happened there

[askyourgran]

I can't add to anything the others have said Jeza, it must be awful for you to cope day in day out without a break. Strangely enough I played that Hot Chocolate song today on my Youtube favourites while ironing, and thought that I would put it on here to cheer someone up, I hope it helps you. Ratter has experience of this kind of illness, his advice sounds good, as does all the others on here who feel for you.

[Smowball]

Please excuse my ignorance as ive not been on here for a while, but what is Mic's condition? xx

[Mamyalynne]

Smow - I think Jeza will be in her bed , Mic had a major stroke and the resulting disablement and change of behaviour is due to that.

Apologies to Jeza for butting in.

[Smowball]

Oh I see. very sorry to hear that xx