Dear Doctor

[marval]

Dear Doctor,

I wish to have a vasectomy. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I know that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe method. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for an empty house. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like beer, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was jumping up and down after sex would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding, if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated it, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife then tried the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it, another child resulted.

If this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson

[tonyav]

Ah the rhythm method, we used to use that, marval. Doing the twist put me in traction for a month, useful for fitting the coil though.

[berniecuddles]

i use the safe period..i pop next door!

[Quoi]

No problem in this household, my wife uses the ugly and fat method.

[maggiebee]

LOL LOL LOL

[roger]

Poor Quoi

[whiskeryron]

A friend of mine uses the bucket method, she's rather a tall lady & her husband is only 3ft high so when they make love he stands on an upturned bucket. When he is about to reach his climax she kicks the bucket from under him.

[Peaspeculiars]

Lol Marval

Goodness, the 'Bucket Method' brought something else completely to mind! I won't expand on it though ;o)