Doctor Sqad

[marval]

Doctor Sqad went on a safari in Africa.

When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been.

"Oh, it was very disappointing," he said.

"I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."


Patient: "It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable."

Doctor Sqad: "Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?"

Patient: "I sure did, the bottle said 'keep tightly closed."


Nurse: "Doctor Sqad, the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do?"

Doctor Sqad: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!"


"What kind of work do you do?” a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment.

“I'm a Naval surgeon,” he replies.

“My word!” spluttered the woman.

“How you doctors specialise these days.”

[pixie373]

Lol!

Reminds me of-

I followed the instructions on my new deodorant, which say "remove cap and push up bottom". It's a bit uncomfortable, but whenever I fart, the room smells nice;-)

[tonyav]

LOL @ marval and pixie.

[DTCwordfan]

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" Sqad asks.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

[tonyav]

LOL.

[pixie373]

Ha dt!

[DTCwordfan]

Sqad asks a patient:

"Sir, were you using a condom during the last time you had sex?"

"Doctor, what do you mean by “the last time”?"

[Psybbo]

Dr Sqad to Receptionist 'Don't be ridiculous, I can't treat this woman, she wears nylon undergarments'

[DTCwordfan]

A sign on Sqad's cosmetic surgery clinic says:

"If life gives you lemons, a simple operation by me can give you melons."

[pixie373]

:-)x

[nailit]

Dr Squad was examining me and after several prods and probes said
"I can't tell what's wrong with you. It must be the drink"
I said
"I'll come back when you're sober then"

[nailit]

On another thread Dr Squad said that jogging could add years to my life.

I didn't believe him at first, but I went yesterday and I feel ten years older already.

[pixie373]

Lol!

[nailit]

"Doctor Squad! I've got vaginal discharge, is that normal?!"

"No, Mr Smith, it is not."

[DTCwordfan]

At Sqad's, he playing at being the psychiatrist:

- Do you consume alcohol?
- No.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you use drugs?
- No.
- Do you take Ibuprofen, 600mg 3 times a day?
- No.
- Do you play cards?
- No.
- Do you run after other women?
- No.
- Do you like silk lingerie?
- No.
- So why did you come to me?
- You see, doc Sqad, I have one little problem - I lie a lot...

[marval]

Some good additions, thank you.

[Peter Pedant]

archetypal suppository joke

arr Dr Sqad I eet all they liddle pills you gave me. And for all the good they did me, I might have shoved them up my .....