Cannibals
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are the sole survivors of a plane crash deep in the jungle. They are captured by a tribe of cannibals who grant them one wish before being killed and hollowed out so their skin can be used to waterproof canoes and their innards become dinner.
The Scotsman asks for a crate of Glenfiddich, drinks the lot and while he's out of it he is killed, skinned, eaten and turned into a canoe. The Englishman asks for a lorryload of Marston's Pedigree bitter. Just like the Scot he is killed, skinned, turned into a canoe and the rest of him is eaten by the tribe for dessert.
The Irishman asks for a fork. While he is stabbing himself all over with it he declares "You'll make no *** canoe out of me!"