my boyfriend told me he wants to cheat on me

[sussexgal]

My boyfriend tells me he loves me and when we are together it's amazing. We are completey compatible and when we aren't together I think about him all the time. I'm not a clingy girlfriend- I don't call or even text him everyday and we botht hink we've got the balance between our relationship and everything else just right.However, the other night he told me that he wonders whether he is cut out for a proper relationship (we are both 17 and have been going out for 5 months.) He says that he feels the urge for us to go on a 'break' where he is allowed to sleep with another girl, in order to get these feelings out of his system and make him want me even more, to convince himself that he is cut out for a serious relationship. I know this probably sounds really silly and I should just tell him to choose between me or being single- but I REALLY love him and don't want to lose him. thankyouxxx

[treacle84]

I know you don't want to hear this but let him go. It's only normal for him to want to go and experiment with different people as he's fairly young. You go out and have fun to with friends and go on some dates. If in a while you find that you both miss the relationship then try again. I was in exactly the same position as you when I was 17 and we went our seperate ways. We then got back together and it lasted 3 years. We're not together anymore but are still great friends x

[crispynugget]

all i can say is, be careful. Do you trust him 100% and has he thought about how he would feel if in your shoes.

The obvious reaction would be that he is being silly and its an excuse to break up but if he really loves you then i cannot see why he would want this.

Its a delicate matter and I dont want to sound too nasty or anything, just do what you think is right.

Good luck

[Lore]

I think he needs to grow up a little, If he really does love you and wants to be with you he wouldn't be having these thoughts in the first place. He's basically asking your permission to let him have a few wild nights and make sure you'll be waiting for him when it all goes pear shaped and he can't find anyone else!

You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel but let him know that you respect yourself far too much to wait for someone who doesn't know what he wants.

If he had another reason for a break other than wanting to sleep with other girls such as - if you lived a considerable distance away from each other and it was proving difficult to be together or he was going through a difficult time in his life where he needs to be on his own, then maybe.

What if you let him do this and he comes back to you, then a few months later he does it again knowing you let him get away with it the first time? - you will also be in the frame of mind that he'll come back to you. you're setting yourself up for a very unstable and unhappy relationship. He's either your partner or he's not.

Sorry if my post isn't what you wanted to hear but I've seen this done to two people close to me and it doesn't work! - both women are now on their own and the guys in question are still treating women in the same manner.

[Blyss]

sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it as well , sorry to say this by I agree with Treacle .
Somtimes and again im sorry to say this ..if you allow a guy to make you into a doormat cuz you love him , he will always treat you as one .This might not be the case with your boyfriend but I would tread carefully with him if I was you.

[jno]

17-year-old boys are younger than 17-year-old girls. In fact, he's probably doing the right thing: he is too young to settle down. But Lore's right, he's got a bit of a cheek asking to you to wait at home for him. If he wants to enjoy being young, experience more of life, and girls, that's normal. But he should do it without imposing any kind of burden on you. I know you don't want to lose him but, in a kind of way, you've lost him already: he's with you but doesn't really want to be. Let him go, and feel free to go shopping yourself. Maybe he'll be back in a year or two and clearer about what he wants (and maybe you will too, and maybe it won't be him).

[heffalump]

The same thing happened to me when I was 21 (we'd been together for 5 years). We both went out with other people, but every time I got into a relationship with someone else he'd say he wanted us to get back together, so we would and then the same thing would happen all over again. We'd been best friends since playschool so it was difficult to give each other up. This has been going on for 6 years now, and 2 weeks ago he told me he's getting married (to someone else) - but doesn't see why things have to change between us! I'm guessing that his future wife doesn't know that I'm not just a 'friend'! It was the final straw and I've told him I don't want any more contact with him. Should have done it years ago - have felt so much better since.

As was said already, let him go...its for the best in the long run.

[Poglet]

sussexgal, you are sooo much better than this, dump him now from a great height and with a flick of your hair and move on babe x

heffalump, that is soooo sad, sending lots of happy vibes and good luck for your future lovelife... go gal....x

[WoWo]

Dump him, but say to him that you agree with him and that there is a really nice bloke you fancy so you are initiating the "break" to sleep with this other man.

[Paul22118]

Hi sussexgal, from a guys perspective he is normal, although he has gone about this the wrong way. When I was 16 I found to my astonishment that I could pick and choose girls and be sexually successful with them at will. I eventually got into what was going towads a LTR (aged18) but craved and I mean craved sex with other people. I broke it off by escalating a row which my gf started - usual stupid tantrum from her but I blew it out of proportion, deliberately. I didn't want to dump her painfully and I didn't want to cheat so I took that way out - discuss!!!!!

Anyway my point is he cannot help it. Its wild oats and all that.

Your solution (sorry guys) dump him now.

PS Plenty of fish in these waters.

Good luck.

[sussexgal]

ahhhh all of your advice sounds like the right thing to do and thankyou for helping! Since posting my problem, my boyfriend contacted me, telling me that hes sorry for everything he said and it was all rubbish and he didn't know why he said it. Now I'm even more confused! Grrrr I hate relationships already and I'm only 17!

[nancie]

drop him