dilema

[chef]

friend of a friend's partner best mate is going abroad. The best mate's partner is a complete a$$ O to her, and to the world in general. He's run up a string of bad debts, various scams, defrauding Hector the tax man, benefits and more we don't know about. They're upping sticks before he gets caught. There's only a week to go, do I dob him in and [a] give her a chance of a new life, [b] let them go and maybe they can work it out together [which we all doubt]. Some of the fallout would land on her too. Any advice?

[incitatus]

b). definitely b). as long as she knows what he is up to, she has made an informed choice, so it is none of your business and you should but out

[gilf]

Dob him in. Its all our responsibility to report people who fiddle their tax and benefits. If as incitatus suggests she knows about it then this makes her as bad as he is so they both deserve to get in trouble. People who cheat on Tax and benefit are stealing money from the tax PAY not the tax man the tax man only collects our money and give's it to people who need it.

[bernardo]

(a) definitely - either she is an innocent dupe (in which case she needs to be saved) or an accomplice (in which case she needs to have her elbows bitten off by a ravenous bugblatter beast from Traal)

[incitatus]

i do believe we have just heard from the only two people never to have dodged jury duty, fiddled expenses, smuggled fags in from france, complained in order to get a refund, been paid in cash for services rendered, returned all library books and never to have picked up a pennt in the street. Congratulations. John 8,7

[treaclefight]

i'm with incitatus, she's not going to be saved by you dobbing him in, she has to save herself, which means realising what situation she's in and doing something about it herself, if you split them up when she's not ready then she will replace the relationship with the same thing again, with the added disadvatage of having to go through it all again from the beginning. trust your friend and keep being a good friend to her, help her pick up the pieces if you want to, but dont shatter it for her, it's her decision and you can't know the future with any certainty. :-)

[Headtime]

If you go for the dobbing option, you will definitely lose your friend. No matter what you feel about her partner, it's up to her to make her own conclusions about him in her own time. I suppose it's down to what is more important to you. Her friendship or revenge on her partner that you don't approve of.

Whilst defrauding the tax-man is a crime, and one which is morally indefensible, he's probably a pretty small fish compared to big businessmen and corporations who are very clever at avoiding paying huge amounts of tax here (Apologies for being off topic, but don't get me started on BMW who received over �3billion in government cash, and still pulled out of making Rover cars in Britain).

You never know, he may turn over a new leaf, grow up and return as a fine and upstanding member of the community who is more than happy to pay his fair share of tax.

Wish, your friend luck and be there if she needs you.

[Miss Zippy]

Most of have an egotistical and control freak side that thinks we can 'control' other people, whether it's for good or bad reasons. Ultimately, we have to realise that just because we're close to people, it doesn't mean they share the same ideals or aspirations as you and you can't control their lives. If this relationship is taken away from her, she may replace the vacuum with something/someone even worse. It's difficult seeing people we care for make such obvious mistakes, but you have to let her go and make her own way in life as she sees fit.

[dave_in_cw]

I'm with Incitatus and the Zipster

[gilf]

Maybe so incitatus, maybe thats why people in one of the other sections are sad about the countries moral decline, No I have never dodged jury duty, I don't fiddle my expenses and have never felt the need to smuggle fags, I have only complained when justified. I live by my moral code you can live by yours, chef asked for an opinion and I gave it, they obviously considered telling on them otherwise they wouldnt have asked for advice (wehter they do it is there concern). Next time I see your things being stolen from your house I'll keep my mouth shut, I wouldnt want the cheeky scamp to get into trouble.

[chef]

Thanks for replies all. Avoided dishing stars as don't want another war breaking out. The situation may resolve itself as person concerned is going on by himself. His partner will remain here oversee house sale [in her sole name]. Snag is he has c/cards now in her name, but she has wisely reset the limits fairly low. We weren't trying to butt in, or take control. Just didn't want to see a good person getting tarred by association by this s@*tbag - ending up in chokey. It's a shame in some ways they are married otherwise she could leave him to it. Sometimes inaction [taking no decision - which is what we're doing] is worse than deciding one way or the other. What you do about a neighbour who's a road tax dodger - not just run out, never bothered to buy one?