Crosswords5 mins ago
Blonde Jokes...
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"
"It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
"You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little git on your knee."
-------------------------------------------
A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the cop.
"They're my emergency flashers!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of thick curtains?
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blond seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo .... I've got Windoooooows!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!
Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."
Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"
The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!
"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"
"It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."
"You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells: "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little git on your knee."
-------------------------------------------
A blonde's car breaks down on the interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the heck is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the cop.
"They're my emergency flashers!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of thick curtains?
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blond seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo .... I've got Windoooooows!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!
Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."
Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"
The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!
Answers
1 to 3 of 3
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What do you give the Cornish blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
How do you get a Cornish blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
A Cornish redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The Cornish blonde replies, "Oh my God! You ***! How many is a brazilian?"
How do you know a Cornish blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
What does a Cornish blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
What do Cornish blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
How do you get a Cornish blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.
A: Penicillin.
How do you get a Cornish blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
A Cornish redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The Cornish blonde replies, "Oh my God! You ***! How many is a brazilian?"
How do you know a Cornish blonde likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
What does a Cornish blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
What do Cornish blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
How do you get a Cornish blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.
1 to 3 of 3
