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Xmas In The Village -Part 4
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Sunny-Dave took a deep breath as he faced the assembled throng.
"I overheard a conversation in the dark corner of the snug. It was someone saying they knew there was going to be a secret party for the little 'uns under 5 in the village hall so I decided to deck my moped out as Rudolph and fasten a sleigh to the back. I roped Talbot in to be Santa and we were going to distribute presents to them from my sleigh." He pointed to the now mangled sorry looking blue plastic bread tray attached to the back wheel. "I nick.....erm.... acquired some toys but they must have bounced out of the sleigh on the way here."
"What made you think they were orphans?" shouted Wolf from the crowd.
"Well, Waterboatman passed me as he came out of the snug and he muttered a comment I didn't quite catch but it involved the words 'doubts about the parentage of some of that lot' so I just assumed....."he tailed off.
PC Hughes turned to Talbot who was sinking his fourth Babycham.
"It wath a nightmare" lisped Talbot as he unconsciously placed a protective hand over his groin. Well, as protective as he could, given his mangled and missing fingers." I burthed into the hall with a 'Ho Ho Ho' and a voice thouted 'IT'TH THE THRIPPER'. It was dark in there and I was dazzled by the light from the dithco ball. The next thing I knew wath that I wath on the floor and loadth of little handth were trying to rip my clotheth off. I wath being thlobbered over by little lipth thmelling of gin. They weren't kidth, they were devilth I tell you!"
There were many conversations going on in the crowd, mainly consisting of "What the f....is a thripper?" As interpretations were provided, the hubub grew louder and as one, the men in the crowd reached for their coats.
PC Hughes said "Right, I'm off to sort this out once and for all. You lot stay here."
He strode out of the bar and the villagers obeyed his order...for all of 10 seconds. In the rush to leave, Sunny-Dave was trampled underfoot and there were numerous cries of pain as the mis-matched cow horns masquerading as Rudolph's antlers tied to his moped handlebars came into contact with shins.
PC Hughes stood outside the village hall and could hear the faint strains of "Agadoo" coming from inside. He was unaware of the villagers who had cautiously followed him until Tonyav shouted "That's my favourite song" followed by "Owwwwww" as a villager prodded him in the groin with an umbrella.
PC Hughes turned to them and taking a deep breath said "Right, I am going in.If I am not back out in 5 minutes, dial 999 and ask for back up."
TO BE CONTINUED
"I overheard a conversation in the dark corner of the snug. It was someone saying they knew there was going to be a secret party for the little 'uns under 5 in the village hall so I decided to deck my moped out as Rudolph and fasten a sleigh to the back. I roped Talbot in to be Santa and we were going to distribute presents to them from my sleigh." He pointed to the now mangled sorry looking blue plastic bread tray attached to the back wheel. "I nick.....erm.... acquired some toys but they must have bounced out of the sleigh on the way here."
"What made you think they were orphans?" shouted Wolf from the crowd.
"Well, Waterboatman passed me as he came out of the snug and he muttered a comment I didn't quite catch but it involved the words 'doubts about the parentage of some of that lot' so I just assumed....."he tailed off.
PC Hughes turned to Talbot who was sinking his fourth Babycham.
"It wath a nightmare" lisped Talbot as he unconsciously placed a protective hand over his groin. Well, as protective as he could, given his mangled and missing fingers." I burthed into the hall with a 'Ho Ho Ho' and a voice thouted 'IT'TH THE THRIPPER'. It was dark in there and I was dazzled by the light from the dithco ball. The next thing I knew wath that I wath on the floor and loadth of little handth were trying to rip my clotheth off. I wath being thlobbered over by little lipth thmelling of gin. They weren't kidth, they were devilth I tell you!"
There were many conversations going on in the crowd, mainly consisting of "What the f....is a thripper?" As interpretations were provided, the hubub grew louder and as one, the men in the crowd reached for their coats.
PC Hughes said "Right, I'm off to sort this out once and for all. You lot stay here."
He strode out of the bar and the villagers obeyed his order...for all of 10 seconds. In the rush to leave, Sunny-Dave was trampled underfoot and there were numerous cries of pain as the mis-matched cow horns masquerading as Rudolph's antlers tied to his moped handlebars came into contact with shins.
PC Hughes stood outside the village hall and could hear the faint strains of "Agadoo" coming from inside. He was unaware of the villagers who had cautiously followed him until Tonyav shouted "That's my favourite song" followed by "Owwwwww" as a villager prodded him in the groin with an umbrella.
PC Hughes turned to them and taking a deep breath said "Right, I am going in.If I am not back out in 5 minutes, dial 999 and ask for back up."
TO BE CONTINUED
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Hey!!! I've found a photo of MrsO on a day out with Dave and Tony - it must have been in the early 1970s!!!
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