Crosswords2 mins ago
Pop Stars Problems
119 Answers
As the premier online Agony Aunt, I do get quite a few problems sent in by members of the 'popular music' scene. I have anonymised a few recent ones :
Steven M. of Whalley Range writes : “ Dear Doris
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now “
Doris says : “Shape up Smithy – it could be worse – your girlfriend could be in a coma – now that would be serious”
Mr B Vox of Dublin emails : “Dear Doris, every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa”
Doris says “Just stop clapping your hands then, Bonio”
Micky from Dartford says “I can't get no satisfaction – but I've tried and I've tried?”
Doris says “Have you tried Painting it Black, dear?”
Fat Reg from Pinner has been in touch asking “Dear Doris is it true that Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word?”
Doris says “No – that would be antidisestablishmentarianism”
Macca asks “Dear Doris – can I sing Hey Jude at your funeral?”
Doris says “Over my dead body you will”
Bobby D enquires “How many roads must a man walk down?”
Doris replies “Not too many, just take a left at Positively 4th Street and then you just need one more cup of coffee for the road”
Finally ...
Mr D Dekker – if your ears are alight then you need some of Lady Mondegreen's ointment
Doris xx
[email protected]
[ "A problem shared is ... a problem two people have" ]
Steven M. of Whalley Range writes : “ Dear Doris
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now “
Doris says : “Shape up Smithy – it could be worse – your girlfriend could be in a coma – now that would be serious”
Mr B Vox of Dublin emails : “Dear Doris, every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa”
Doris says “Just stop clapping your hands then, Bonio”
Micky from Dartford says “I can't get no satisfaction – but I've tried and I've tried?”
Doris says “Have you tried Painting it Black, dear?”
Fat Reg from Pinner has been in touch asking “Dear Doris is it true that Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word?”
Doris says “No – that would be antidisestablishmentarianism”
Macca asks “Dear Doris – can I sing Hey Jude at your funeral?”
Doris says “Over my dead body you will”
Bobby D enquires “How many roads must a man walk down?”
Doris replies “Not too many, just take a left at Positively 4th Street and then you just need one more cup of coffee for the road”
Finally ...
Mr D Dekker – if your ears are alight then you need some of Lady Mondegreen's ointment
Doris xx
[email protected]
[ "A problem shared is ... a problem two people have" ]
Answers
I'm going to the local nightclub tonight. My mate has just phoned me and said it is drink all you can for a tad under 20 quid. I'm gonna party like it's £19.99
21:15 Thu 15th Jan 2015
Dear Doris
If there’s one thing that I like, it's riding around on a motor-bike
I'm a speed king, when I once begin.
I once won first prize two and six, I know all the dirt track dirty tricks
I'm a marvel when I'm out to win.
In a fifty mile race I am the best, I ride five miles and skid the rest.
Can you recommend somewher good to race?
George
If there’s one thing that I like, it's riding around on a motor-bike
I'm a speed king, when I once begin.
I once won first prize two and six, I know all the dirt track dirty tricks
I'm a marvel when I'm out to win.
In a fifty mile race I am the best, I ride five miles and skid the rest.
Can you recommend somewher good to race?
George
