Pop Stars Problems

[Dear-Doris]

As the premier online Agony Aunt, I do get quite a few problems sent in by members of the 'popular music' scene. I have anonymised a few recent ones :

Steven M. of Whalley Range writes : “ Dear Doris
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now “

Doris says : “Shape up Smithy – it could be worse – your girlfriend could be in a coma – now that would be serious”


Mr B Vox of Dublin emails : “Dear Doris, every time I clap my hands a child dies in Africa”

Doris says “Just stop clapping your hands then, Bonio”


Micky from Dartford says “I can't get no satisfaction – but I've tried and I've tried?”

Doris says “Have you tried Painting it Black, dear?”


Fat Reg from Pinner has been in touch asking “Dear Doris is it true that Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word?”

Doris says “No – that would be antidisestablishmentarianism”


Macca asks “Dear Doris – can I sing Hey Jude at your funeral?”

Doris says “Over my dead body you will”


Bobby D enquires “How many roads must a man walk down?”

Doris replies “Not too many, just take a left at Positively 4th Street and then you just need one more cup of coffee for the road”

Finally ...

Mr D Dekker – if your ears are alight then you need some of Lady Mondegreen's ointment


Doris xx

[email protected]

[ "A problem shared is ... a problem two people have" ]

[Tilly2]

Sorry Doris, off to bed now. Great post. Thanks. A really good giggle.

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Slasha

On yer bike, froggy - you just aren't Butch enough for that song

Doris xx

[-Talbot-]

Nice one, Prudes!

[Prudie]

i think of it as our song ;-)

[gness]

Dear Doris,

The sun is out, the sky is blue, there's not a cloud to spoil the view, but....

It's raining in my heart.............. :-(

Buddy.

[Dear-Doris]

My Dear Buddy

That's simply not cricket is it

Doris xx

[Dear-Doris]

Thank you all and "Good Evening" for the moment

I'm afraid I have to go and wash my gerbil now

Doris xx

[gness]

It's not, Doris...but I guess ... It doesn't matter any more because ...Peggy Sue got married....so I must stop....Crying, Waiting, Hoping....:-(

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

My neighbour keeps knocking on the ceiling and the pipes - what does that mean?

[Prudie]

DD
Goodnite sweetheart

[Dear-Doris]

Dear Mr T

Just mullet over - eventually the answer will Dawn on you

Night Night

Doris xx

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

The local girls are always sitting in the back seat, huggin' and a kissing with Fred!

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

What can I do about all the yellow ribbons round the old oak tree

Tony.

[tamborine]

Dear Doris, Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship

Bob

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

If there’s one thing that I like, it's riding around on a motor-bike
I'm a speed king, when I once begin.
I once won first prize two and six, I know all the dirt track dirty tricks
I'm a marvel when I'm out to win.
In a fifty mile race I am the best, I ride five miles and skid the rest.

Can you recommend somewher good to race?

George

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

I live in a yellow submarine - but I' claustraphobic!

And a Walrus has just gone past the window!!

[gness]

Dear tuvok,

In the absence of Doris.....I think your problem is.....Yellow.....has Saffron made you mad?......

[Tuvok]

Dear Doris

Del Kept Searchin' and he found my Love Potion No. 9! And now he's a Runaway!

[Tuvok]

Gness

Guess I've had one pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small

because I remember what the dormouse said!