Opinions Please

[fruitsalad]

My son has just phoned me to say hes been offered a job in Bangkok with a house and company car included, his partner who he has two young children with is adement she wont go and take the children out of school etc., and says he should of thought of this before they had children and settled down, now hes not sure what to do he wont get the opportunity again when the children are older, and says he will probably regret it if he doesnt take the job but then again he doesnt want to split his family, I'm unsure what advice to give, I'm also torn as to what he should do, although I know and he does that its his decision at the end of the day, I would still appreciate some opinions, tia

[MargoTester]

I guess the other question is what sort of job does he already have and are the prospects for the new one the much better?

[ladyalex]

Agree with other posters who say that they need time to talk everything through.
They need to discuss all the information they have about the job, what exactly is on offer. There are usually quite big incentives to move people so far away from home and the whole picture needs to be examined in detail.
Accommodation, schooling, school fees, home leave, travel costs etc etc.
It's a huge move.
As to what you should do....listen but do not offer any advice...

[Sqad]

Quite simple.

I work to support my family and this new job is for the benefit of ALL of us.

I am off......it is up to you if you follow.

Education abroad is often superior to the UK.

[bhg481]

We I wouldn't go. It's not a job he was looking for so e'' be no worse off if he doesn't take it. We've always chosen together; perhaps that's why we've survived almost 50 years together.

[Dee Sa]

If only she would go out there for say a two week holiday without the kids, just for a taster of things to come, once she realises that a nanny & housegirl won't cost a lot out there to give her some help she might just change her mind. Her total refusal to even give it a go will eventually lead to a resentment & rift and possible divorce - I lived the dream in Sharjah outside Dubai for many years in the 80s and seen this happen.

[andy-hughes]

tambourine - "A loving wife would support her husband's career choices."

How is life in 1952?

[andy-hughes]

fruitsalad - I would never consider anything that would make my wife and possibly my children unhappy - no job is worth that.

My wife works abroad twice a year for four weeks at a time, and all our children are married with their own families, and we are all miserable until she comes home.

It depends on how much your son needs his family around him - and vice versa, but personally I would turn down the job in a heartbeat.

[trt]

Cant he go on his own for 6 months, then fly his wife & kids out for a holiday to see what they think?

[Retrochic]

IF he is being head hunted then he has the upper hand. Advise him to contact the Company and say he will require to bring out his family to Bankok for a couple of weeks all expenses paid to look at properties and education available and to be introduced to the company and job he may be doing. It will show them he is serious about the job and that he is a responsible family man. His wife can take it as a freebie holiday, no pressure, then take it from there.

[horseshoes]

We have family friends who have spent half their married life apart. He was in the RAF then he's been working in Oman for the last 20 years; just retired and come home since Christmas. It's worked well for them. The wife did visit a few times, and of course husband came home fairly regularly on leave.

[woofgang]

I have been in similar circs except we had no kids. I am betting that its tremendously exciting for your son and also a compliment to him, he is feeling no end of a fellow, and he has rushed home, poured it all out to his partner and hadn't really thought that she might not be similarly excited. I really think if you give your son any advice at all, the advice should be to draw breath and reassure his partner that she and the children come way before the job for him and always will. Even today I think that wives do bear the brunt of any move of this kind and they should both be looking into what would be in it for his family, what there would be for his partner to do, what life would be like and so on. When they move out there if they go, he will be off to work, the kids will be off to school, what will his partner do? Does she work here? If she wants to, could she work there?

[rockyracoon]

Has he ever visited Bankok, has his wife?

I adore Thailand, but I can honestly say that if the old man asked me to move out there, it would be a big fat NO.

[atalanta]

Bangkok's air and traffic are both appalling.