Personal Question

[phleb]

My hubby hasn't been properly intimate with me for a few months now. He will instigate spooning when i nod off and wakes me. It seems he waits for me to sleep. I asked him what the issue is and he says i am fat i don't turn him on. I am only a stone heavier and i am aware of this and will lose it, in process this minute.

My question is, if one loves someone, does it make a difference whether the person has gone fat, slim, etc?

Men do you feel this way when your wife's/girlfriends have put on a little 'winter' weight?

Apologies for the personal question.

[FrogNog]

franklys you've hung around here for a month, just to give that as your only answer? You have too much time on your hands I think.

[mazie]

How strange... This thread is about a lady that needs to talk and get a little comfort not about ummmm... I have reported your response btw

[tamborine]

'Divorce creates a vacancy'. Mothers rear kids alone on benefits with hardships incurred? Father is free of family costs & soon finds gf to spend on. Kids spoiled by dad on w/e outings etc & soon kids loyalties are to whoever is most fun. Mum cleans, cooks & has the drudgery of daily family life alone. She is on guard against men to her home, for the kids welfare. Dad sows his oats & returns to 'use' mum as his want. So he offends you? Am sure you can do likewise.

think hard of what is best for your kids.

[Retrochic]

Tambo -here is a different story:
Mum finally gets away and regains her self-esteem. With the help of Benefits she goes back to college and gets some qualifications and eventually lands a decent job as a teachers assistant which works out great for her kids. Her children have a positive role model rather than two parents 'making do' and after a few years on her own she feels ready to perhaps share her life with the right man.
This scenario is based on someone I know and years later she is thankful she left a toxic relationship instead of staying for the sake of the children. The OP needs to take control of her life and if her gut feeling is go then she needs to put a plan into place to make the transition as least stressful as possible for her and her children. The op's situation has gone on for years and I doubt her Oh is going to change however many times he says that to the contrary.

[phleb]

Please everyone, don't argue because of my thread, and please don't stop answering my thread and giving me advice. Each and every comment i have read has given me a little more strength. I know its easy to say divorce, leave, walk away. It doesn't matter that you say that to me, its a good thing as it gives me more courage to actually walk away and maybe divorce in the near future. The debt is caused by me, not him. He hasn't helped me pay it and nor will he help. I am sticking around so i can pay this off and then make plans for my future with my children, without him. I have three children, living in a 2 bed terrace, which i bought. Over time i thought we could expand the house or buy something bigger. It didn't happen, and there is no intention of it happening from his part. I need to think about the kids and their future. He has never raised a hand or even his voice to the children. They think they have the best daddy ever, and will not go anywhere without him. They love me too and think the same with me. They always want us to do things together, some days its more difficult than others, when i don't want to be around him. Sexual relations are bitter between us. While i am with him i cannot see another man, at times like these human beings are forced to have affairs etc, i won't do that, so i stick with the devil i know.

He wont go out with his friends, always at home. Suffocates me. I try to stay out as much as possible, but seeing as i do the cooking, cleaning, everything else etc i cant stay out every day as i get behind on my housework. I set up an ebay business so i can pay me debts. I have put my name on the council house list today (a start). Last time i left, he abused my sister with his foul language, went to my mums looking for me and shouting and stressing my poor mum out. If my mum wasn't around i probably would have left him ages ago. I don't like the idea of him turning up stressing her out. She won't call the police, but only worry about me.

I cannot list all of your names on here because i don't remember them all without looking back on the comments, but to all of those that have taken their time out for me to comment, thank you, you don't know what you are doing for me, you are giving me strength in so many ways, which you don't realise.

thank you from the bottom of my heart. xx

[mazie]

phleb... this is personal to me but I will relate the story of my Daughter... Her husband left her when her youngest was 4 months old, , the eldest 5 and the middle one 4. She was in pieces because she loved him. He moved back home to the other side of the world...and she was on her own... Well she had us and her extended family.... She's bought all 3 up on her own, she's never had another partner and she's doing really well. I know she misses the family with someone to help and support her on a daily basis with the kids, but she manages really well. The kids are happy, she's happy (most of the time) It's been six years now for her and she would never want him back.... I know it's not relevant to you but women do it and survive and live happy fulfilled lives. Her eldest two adored their Dad but they don't miss him at all now. He hasn't seen them for over 4 years !

Whatever you decide, I wish you well and there's always AB for a good natter and some support

[pusskin]

Bless you too phleb, i hope you find the courage and strengh to find a much happier life. its out there some where.

[murraymints]

stay focused Phleb..make long term plans and short term goals in order to get where you want to be...it does help to talk...we have heard it all here I think..so stay strong...xx