Is This An Illusion?

[chanel5]

I wish I could have been a part of a large family, siblings, extended family of cousins etc. I have one sister, seven years older, who loathed me from the start. she made my childhood a misery with her jealousy and sniping, undermining, nastiness. Now, in middle age, I haven't seen her for years. We corresponded by email for a short while recently but she still has the same spiteful way about her and I just couldn't do that any more so i changed my email address. My parents were insular, suspicious of everyone and discouraged friendships. I never got to know any cousins. I am not good at relationships either. I try, but the effort and the uncertainty becomes overwhelming. Around me are neighbours who are widowed, their children have grown up and moved on, but they are close to their sisters. Have I really missed out as much as I think I have, or is the large happy family just an illusion?

[Old_Geezer]

Some are happy others can;t stand each other. I'd like to think most get on to a greater or lesser extent, but it depends on the personality types.

Unsure whether size has much to do with it. I'm from a medium sized family. I'd suspect a greater risk of fragmentation in larger groups but maybe they all band together to strength; or something. Again probably some do one, another another.

[Mamyalynne]

Some large families are close knit and happy , some are disjointed and not close at all - just the same for smaller families.

We have no say which family e are born into and little say in how our early life is formed.

What we have control over is our present and our future.

There's a saying , fight the fear and do it anyway.

[grasscarp]

In my case an illusion. I am one of 6 children, but two brothers have emigrated so I never see them now and one brother in this country doesn't speak to me (long story). I see my sisters sometimes.

[ummmm]

I'm from a large happy family. I couldn't imagine what life would have been like without all my cousins.

[whirlyhurly]

It certainly "takes all sorts" doesn't it ? I've always wondered if I had a sister would we have got on, as I only have 2 brothers, one in Canada, the other "down south", which might as well be Outer Mongolia ! The times I've tried to keep in touch via email, usually resulted in single word answers, so I stopped. Much to my sorrow, they seem too engrossed in their own lives to care about me.

[Peter Pedant]

.All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

[andy-hughes]

I have two older sisters but we are not in touch - long story - and my father is dead, and my relationship with my very elderly mother is seriously distant.

I am very fortunate to have been embraced by my wife's family, and we have three children and five grandchildren, so I have loads of love around me.

However, at my core, I am self-sufficient emotionally, having never even thought of turning to parents or family in times of support being needed.

I think families are wonderful, but by no means essential. I think what you haven't had, you can learn not to fret over, and try and develop enough self-confidence to develop some relationships which you enjoy.

[melv16]

I've kept in contact with the members of my distant family that I want to. I only get to see them at funerals, which suits me and them. My son and daughter live in London and I'm in phone contact at least twice a week.

[woofgang]

I don't think you can make any judgements about size and happiness.
My parents came from biggish families. My father's big sisters put him in an orphanage when his Mum died. My mother's sisters were a pair of cows, her surviving brother not much better. My late husband's brother was disowned by his own mother and I (and my husband) could see why and supported her. I only have two siblings and we live geographically well separated but are close.

[Jennykenny]

I'm lucky to have a supportive related family but I also consider my friends as family too.
Look further, look outside the traditional description of family and I'm sure you will get the 'family' you need.

[chanel5]

Thanks everyone for your answers. I suppose you take what you get and make the best of it. Think I am just feeling grumpy and badly done to at the mo. Thanks again.

[woofgang]

Whatever hand you got dealt, its a real waste of your life, IMO, to dwell on the then instead of getting on with the now.

[JeanGray]

Sometime we people feel very uncertain in this world. So, you can have such desire.