Time Heals

[237SJ]

I know they say that time heals but how long does it take you get over the loss of your Mum? Do you ever get over it? Your Mum is the person who worries about you and is always on your side, no matter what you do. You can`t replace your mother`s love? Does it get easier?

[VHG]

I can vary from person to person.

My wife's mother has been dead for 6 years and she still gets upset about it.

My mother was starting to get dementia and was unable to look after herself and I was quite pleased when she passed away peacefully before it got too bad so I got over it very quickly.

[ummmm]

It was my dad I was really close to.

I don't think you ever get over your loss. You learn to live with it and slowly start having better days. My dad died in 2008 and I still think about everyday. It took about 2 years for me to be able to talk about him without crying. xx

[mazie]

I still miss mine most days... I don't feel the initial pain and panic like I did at first, but I have my moments :o(

[boxtops]

I don't think you ever get over it entirely - my mum died aged 94, 12 years ago. There are still times when I miss her presence.

[Butterbun]

Just like Ummmm has said. Sometimes you get very bad days but eventually you get past them. It helps if you can talk to someone.

[bednobs]

i can only tell you my experience of grief/bereavement (not my mum)
i found grief was like a big heavy suitcase that i am forced to carry around by myself all the time, and i can never put it down. before i get up in The morning, i have to pick it up again and do my everyday tasks while trying to hold this big, heavy unweildy case. No-one can help me carry it. Over time, you get much more used to carrying it round and while it's still always there, i can go long periods of time where it doesn't seem quite so heavy.

[237SJ]

Thanks for the replies. Mazie - it`s interesting that you mention panic. Sometimes I wake up in the night and feel panic because my Mum (and Dad, for that matter) are no longer here. I didn`t realise that it normal to feel that.

[237SJ]

Bednobs - that is a very poignant description of grief. I hope that you have good times ahead x

[mazie]

bednobs xx

I had the panic again for a week or two on the anniversary of Mum's death. I can't explain it or control it..but it's not nice :o(

[maggiebee]

I was only 20 when my mum died in 1966. I had one child and was expecting my second. Although I do think of her, I think I mourn the death of my father more. He died aged 95 in 2001 so played a much bigger part in my life and that of my children and grandchildren. We're all different and deal with things in our own way.

[237SJ]

Thanks for all your replies. I found a leaflet today from the local hospice and it explains all of the different feelings that grief brings such as feeling numb (I had that in the beginning) to emptiness, wanting to escape etc. I can identify with all of them. I`m back at work tonight for the first time so I think I`ll take the leaflet with me just in case I have a wobble in the middle of the night somewhere. Thanks again.

[mazie]

Good Luck tonight SJ xx

[jourdain2]

I echo the 'Good luck tonight'. Hang in there, you'll do it.

I don't know if you ever get over losing your Mum. Ummm is right. The feeling of loss changes, the feeling of uncertainty changes. When Mum died I felt as if I was standing in space watching my world explode with bits of it hurtling past me as I ineffectually tried to catch them and rebuild something. Does that make sense?

The top layer, efficient me, coped well, did organising, legal bits etc. - and 9 months later had a weird breakdown. My doctor said that this was very common and was a sort of reverse pregnancy - so please give yourself time and space to mourn properly, please, please do.

'Does it get easier?' The answer is 'Yes', although right now I am hurting again because the feelings have come back. If you have children that helps because in some way I have powered my mum's love for me through to them (whether they know it or not).

'Do you ever get over it?' Not really, but all of us come to terms with our loss.

I do hope this helps; you will survive and somehow manage to put all the feelings into yourself as a different person. Your Mum never dies as long as she is remembered - someone said that to me.

What a long answer, sorry. My Mum did in 1992 by the way.

[tonyav]

No I don't think that you ever get over it really but it does get easier in time, my mom died in 1998 and I think about her every day in one way or another.
I find that certain things can retrigger grief though ie one of my moms favorite songs may get played on the radio / tv or someone will say something that I thought only my mom would say.

[Marijn]

Your Mum is a big part of who you have become, so for as long as you live, she will never be gone. That's the way I think about it; I hope it makes sense.

[Greedyfly]

Like the others have said everyone is different. Mine was over seventeen years ago and I still think about it daily. Things do get easier but I can't say when that happened.

Anniversaries obviously brings the pain back as you would imagine but don't be hard on yourself. You will grieve for as long as you need to.

It will always be with you but it does get easier!

[dieseldick]

sorry for your loss, it really never goes away, lost my mother 14 years ago. she died of cancer and was in pain for years, i think of her now in peace which in turn gives me peace.

good luck