My two daughters

[yardie]

i have two daughters one is 12 and lives with her mother n grandmother. the other is 3 months and lives with me and her mother. my eldest daughter refuses to know the baby who is her sister and says she doesnt want to know her. i really feel terrible about this as she is also ignoring me and behaving like a adult. i feel her mom tells her things and she is on their side. what should i do? i cant take both of them out together as the twelve year old refuses to know the other one

[gill3891]

Have you tried talking to your 12 year olds mum about this?

[yardie]

yes, she says its up to my daughter. but because she has already brain washed the child she know she will say no. i am with my present misses 3 years now and she doesnt even know my daughter either. its just pathetic

[redcrx]

How do you know that your eldest has been 'brainwashed' by her mum?

It may just be that your daughter is going through the change in her life which happens at that age. Everything is changing around her, her family, her body etc.

Its a tough period in any girls life and she may just feel insecure now that there is a baby and family in your life. Try and talk to her alone, without your other child and help her to see that she is still an important part of your life and special to you.

Im not saying that you are doing anything wrong, but just remember that children dont see things the way that adults do. And making the jump to being an adolescant is a difficult time

[yardie]

my daughter tells me things her mom say about me so i believe they turn her away from me. "see ur dad has new life now". thats what her mom tells her. i see your point about adolescence. i talked to my daughter n showed her pic of the baby and she said nothing. her mother spoils her and treats her like an adult and i have no say. i will just have to let it flow as it is now and hope im not blamed in the future. thanks!!

[gill3891]

My advice is to just always be there for your eldest daughter and my guess is that she will come round when she grows up a bit! You can't stop the things her mum says to her, but you can make her realise that her dad has always been there for her and has never slagged her mum off!

Be the bigger person and just be a father to your daughter, she will appreciate that more than anythign when she gets older!

[redcrx]

If she is telling you things that her mother says then at least she is still communicating with you, thats a good sign. Dont rush her, just have some 1 on 1 time with her and get to know what she thinks and how she views life. Im sure once she realises that you still love her just as much as your second daughter then she will take less notice of her mums comments and start to make her own decisions.

Im sure it will work out fine if the issue isnt forced.

[yardie]

Thank you very much u all!!! Only when i call her does she call me. i try my best to be a father but i hope her turn around time to know her sister is not long. i wont rush her at all - i must admit though it makes me feel cute as i didnt expect this.

Thanks for your advice guys.

[Bohne]

I think 12 is a difficult age, and it's not necessarily all her mother's doing.
You don't say what your relationship with your daughter was before the baby was born, but she probably feels jealous because the baby will be getting all the attention from you that she never had.

I would suggest, that you take your daughter out on her own for a few times, to make her see that she is still very important to you.

Maybe she'll come round to accepting the baby as times go by...

[WendyS]

I suspect that your elder daughter probably feels very displaced in your life which quite apart from anything derogatory your former wife may say about you, may make her feel that she wasn't good enough and has been effectively replaced by " a newer model". (I'm unsure whether your baby is her blood sister or her step-sister?). At 12 she is not really adult enough to understand these possibly jealous emotions for what they are and at the moment, showing her pictures of the baby may only have the effect of "rubbing it in". You may have to continue seeing your elder daughter separately until she is old enough to start thinking about family relationships in her own terms and working them out for herself. This will be hard on everybody, but sometimes it can take many years before relationships reach the stage where everybody in a situation like yours can feel comfortable with them. Just keep persevering and don't give up.