Scottish Refugee Problem
Police and coastguard vessels have already rescued around 3,500 English migrants attempting to cross the treacherous waters of the River Tweed in overloaded, ramshackle boats, in a bid to escape from a life in Scotland and seek sanctuary in England. Chief Inspector Bob *** of Cumbria police told us, "This is the beginning of a new humanitarian crisis for England. Who will take care of these people? Who will pay for all their blankets, clothes and deep fried Mars bars? Not the Scots, that's for sure."
The UN are currently holding an emergency meeting to discuss how best to handle this out of control immigration crisis.
Some of those rescued were able to speak of the trauma of life under the SNP. One man, who wished not to be named for fear of reprisals, said that within 24 hours of the election results, SNP activists were imposing their version of 'Scottish Law' on people. "Within hours" he told us, "they had removed every brand of breakfast cereal from the shelves of shops and supermarket, and replaced them with porridge oats, and all clothing stores had supplies of trousers confiscated, and replaced with kilts. It was a living hell. A lot worse than normal". Meanwhile those who survive the perilous crossing are being detained at a hastily built tented camp just outside Carlisle, while their applications for asylum are processed by the UK border agency.