One Friend

[jennyjoan]

this may be long but I hope it is short. I have one above friend who has truly lost every friend, acquaintances, the lot except me and right now I haven't been a good friend.

I can no longer tolerate the repetitiveness of her conversation - she deffo has not dementia - she has been like this for years but for the last 30 years I must have been able to cope - 30 years on I can't. She goes over to the very time she was 10 years and tried to pull a teeth out on a string. Over to her ex husband all the things he did - I mean over and over and over and over. I tried to tell her oh you told me that - you told me that - but like that won't take the hint.

My main problem is that I am lucking out on my bit of social life as my other friend won't tolerate it any more and she is getting out and about here and there - some of yous could say - well go you on and go out - the problem is that the people that run these wee clubs and dos know this friend and I know they would bump into her and ask why she doesn't go to these clubs as I am there. I went to one wee do and the guilt in me was not ordinary - I know she would be very hurt if she heard all about this - but you know I entertained her in my home maybe from Friday to Monday - now I can't truly stand an hour - am I going to be stuck at home from now on or what can I do. Hope this worded out okay.

[jennyjoan]

I told her many years ago with a drop of drink in myself and said "can I tell you something "kitty" - you will have stop to talking so much" you know what she said "what do you want to drink it's my turn to get a drink".

[tamborine]

Tell her to come on answerbank, we like chatterers

[jennyjoan]

bye all for the moment - am tired.

[jourdain2]

Ummmm 20.30 how true!

[Dee Sa]

if this lady is epileptic and doesn't get up till the afternoon surely its time to get the GP involved ?

[jennyjoan]

Update - I am working in a very bad area for CU on Friday evening - I will not even take my car as at the last time around 4.00 pm two cars were on fire. Anyway rang the lonely friend there and because it is near her I offered to take her to tea after I finished the CU - oh I get my hair done at 5 love and wouldn't be out until well after 6 - I finish the CU around 4.15 So I have done my bloody bit.

[jennyjoan]

Well well - a very further update on this from June 2015 to 5 July 2015. Sister came over for dinner as usual and I am handing dinner to her when dog asked for a caress - she did - then she started about the above friend that everybody has deserted her and believe me one word didn't meet the other with her and I - I said - why don't you engage with her - no answer. Called me everything - she saw no harm in chatty friend going to do clubs etc and other things. She said she comes over on Sundays and finds me negative - oh no I have nothing to tell you and she is right I don't - I don't go out have become rather reclusive - well she said after the meal she was leaving and not coming back to my home ever again - believe me this was all allegedly about this friend - said this friend was kind and good and generous to us all over the years which she has been but so have I - I gave her word for word (fight) -she flew off the handle - she is a pretty easy going person - but my windows were open and believe me I wanted to say a hell of a lot of more - of what I have done in helping her in going through the death of her son (I buried him myself ) she never turned up couldn't cope and funking more. She never left and went into a better mood but it has bothered me no end. All the things she was saying were exactly the things I have been wanting to say to her all these years but never had the nerve as there is only her and I left. I let it all go but am I buggered and sad. She comes over - my house is spotless ( oh your floor needs cleaned), oh your car is stinking, oh this and and that I really can scream - I dropped her off as usual in my car and atmosphere was ok. What the funk was all that about . I can't live my friend's life. Why funking me. I tell you why for years I partied pretty much over nearly weekend and I stopped 4 years ago and in a way no body gets out much not with me anyway. I find since the music, parties went away things went awry. Sorry for this foray.

[jennyjoan]

NO ANSWER or OPINIONS

[jennyjoan]

I am sorry to harp on about this situation - but is there nobody out there with an opinion or anything - or are yous all afraid.

[Mamyalynne]

I thought your comment meant that you didn't want any replies.

[Mamyalynne]

Sisters like anyone else can have arguments big time and often they are too alike in many ways - so it becomes harder for one to step away from an opinion.

You will have to agree to disagree about this friend in my view.

[Mamyalynne]

Sorry to love you and leave you - time for bed.

Try not to dwell on the fall out.

Night .x

[jennyjoan]

thanks for an answer -mamy- the most ironic unblievable was all that the things she was saying to me that day I had been wanting to to say to her for 10 years - that I will never get over.

[Mamyalynne]

It must have been very hurtful , yes.


You did the right thing all those years not saying anything - she lost her cool and may now be regretting it.

[jennyjoan]

No don't think she would be regretting it. She is very very bitter re the death of her son - when I tell her things about other kids maybe suicides etc - she says - they had a choice.

Now I wear glasses full time only about 6 years now and she cannot stand actually loathes me wearing them and wants me to get my eyes lasered - she can go and funk there. She truly doesn't realise how much she dictates the policy over a lot of things in my home (changes ornaments round) arranges this and that (do you think I could do that in her house - not in a million years) and believe me Mamy it is against my nature but I try to let it go over my head which is very hard.

I am over 60 =- when I give her a lift home - "comb your hair" of course I'll be combing my hair. Button your coat up - you've no idea - I know these words on black and white sorta makes you think Ah dear love her she wants you to be "nice" - no she is in her way snobbish. Takes very much after an old aunt of mine - exactly the same as her.

This has been massive to me cos it is years since we had a row. Another thing that day - she is afraid of dogs - so I had Maxie outside keeping him from her - she lets him - he jumps on her playfully and she starts to eff and blind him - taking it all out on him - a pantomime it was only it wasn't funny.

I don't think her and I will ever be the same - anyway we only see each other on the Sunday and maybe one conversation a week - if that - . Even friends of mine know she is a wee dictator at times - I am afraid of some week of actually throwing her out when she starts but then I worry what the neighbours say. Have you any opinion Mamy cos I sure need one.

[jennyjoan]

PS - another thing over the years when I buy her clothes, jewellery - ornamenets for her house - no she doesn't like them. I bought her a beautiful chain from Lunns - never saw it on her - she wears this skittery chain with a cross (not telling me) but her son may have bought it - mind you he wasn't the generous.

[Mamyalynne]

She does indeed sound very controlling , I have huge patience but am sure even I would have to say 'Whoa, hold it there'.


I know we can never change people's ways but we can calmly and quietly let them now they are overstepping the mark.

It does sound as though she has gone too far this time.

[Mamyalynne]

Ungrateful too,very hurtful.

[Mamyalynne]

My opinion for what it is worth,be calm if she contacts you - if the row is brought up then say how much it hurt.

Just be civil if you do get together and don't be drawn into a slanging match and birthdays etc are just a nice card, so there's no present to dislike.