A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly,...
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man...
I don't understand the follwoing joke. Once upon a time a little elephant was walking in the jungle and he saw a mouse. The elephant was a little frightened and he began to walk backwards. He fell in...
Have you ever sat on a plane, next to an irritating seat-mate who keeps talking to you and snooping at everything you read? Next time, just follow these simple instructions: And get ready to enjoy...
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big brass gong doing...
An accumulator is feeling run down. It's quite shocking really: he used to be a bright spark until the powers that be charged him with battery and put him in a cell, despite putting up resistance. But...
Hi everyone, I'm thinking of buying an upright frost free freezer. Does anyone have any recommendations or brands to avoid. I know you'll say how much do you want to spend .. so I would say I'm...
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for ?500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have...
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled...
Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he...
Just been reading that Madonna is to adopt another baby from Malawi - do you think these celebrities adopt out of the goodness of their heart or is it like buying a new handbag to them ?
What do you think of Amy Winehouse? Do you think shes a complete mess and her life isnt too great? Or do you think shes amazing and beautiful and deserves supporting fans? What do u think?? x
had a dog's tail in a frame on the wall. I asked the landlord the story of the pub's name and why this artefact. Rover had been the pub dog and was tragically killed on the road. They rescued the tail...
A man rings his wife at her work & says "Darling, my boss has just asked me to accompany him on a week's fishing trip along with several very important clients. It's a great opportunity for me to win...
Dear Dierdre, I have never written to you before but i really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating. The usual signs: phone rings, if i answer the caller...
A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives him a snide look and says "We don't serve your kind here!" and tosses him out the door. The piece of rope gets up, dusts himself...
pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy...
John Hill, his wife and their 3 children travelled from their home in a small English town to go trecking in the African bush They were expected back after 14 days, but did not return. After 6 months...